As I toasted 2013 (half asleep in my chair), I couldn’t help but hope for improvements in family health. 2012 was filled with health problems for several members. Part of that is age, but if wine is supposed to improve with age, why can’t people?
Even though the world didn’t end on December 21 as many had predicted, hubby has dubbed it the end of his father’s world. That was the day his wife disposed of his life by putting him in a nursing home. I know that sounds harsh, but that’s how it appears to other family members. Every day, he has escaped the nursing home. His Alzheimer’s has him confused enough that he doesn’t know exactly where he is or why he’s there, but he does know he is not at home. And he wants to go home. He calls someone at least once a day, asking them to come get him. Today, it was our turn. He said he would really appreciate it if we could come get him because there is snow on the ground and he didn’t think he had warm enough clothes to walk, but if he had to, he would. I encouraged him not to walk because of the cold, but I also suggested he call his wife because she is the only one they will let him leave with. He talked to me for a few minutes, repeating himself, but it was clear he wanted to go home. I felt terrible, but I can’t take him out of the nursing home.
My dad, bless his heart, asks several times a week how my father-in-law is doing. He worries that being on the verge of 70 puts him at risk for developing Alzheimer’s. He doesn’t want to be a burden to anyone. But he also worries about people in general. He’s a deep thinker, and he reads people pretty well. I hope he doesn’t develop Alzheimer’s but he is aging, and I recognize that there will be challenges in taking care of him when the time comes. He’s a stubborn guy. Meanwhile, my mom has faced numerous health issues of her own. Shoulder surgery earlier in the year, and then bronchitis and sinus problems now that winter has arrived. I’ve also noticed her tendency toward selfishness (every conversation somehow ends up being about her) and physically how shaky she is. The selfishness is hard to swallow, but I do - I really don’t think she realizes she is doing it. The shakiness is worrisome. I remind myself that she isn’t getting any younger, either, and that I should enjoy the times I have with both of them. I am thankful to have them both.
December 21 was also a day to celebrate - my daughter (my oldest child) turned 21! Hard to believe it’s been that long since we brought her into the world on a cold December day. She’s brought so much to our lives - happiness, frustration, joy, frustration, pride...did I mention frustration? Raising her was a challenge. In trying to bring her up to think for herself, I think I created a monster. Not only did she think for herself, she challenged every thing I said. I coped with that the only way I knew how - by being stubborn and not letting her win. Looking back, there were some battles I shouldn’t have fought, some things I shouldn’t have said or done. But everything we went through made her who she is today. Now that she’s moved out on her own, finding her own way, she’s beginning to understand why I am how I am. So the predicted end of the world was actually the beginning of adulthood for her. I gave her card I couldn’t resist. I don’t remember the exact words, but it said something to the effect of “As you stand poised on the brink of adulthood, I offer these words of advice” - and when you opened the card, it said in capital letters “RUN! RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN!” Very appropriate. She’s told me many times she doesn’t like being an adult, and yet she craves the freedom of being an adult. I’m very proud of her, and a lot less frustrated now that she’s not living under my roof. :)
At 16, Son is still under our roof. He’s aloof and impatient with us much of the time. He’d rather be on the video games or computer than watching TV with us, or participating in whatever we have going on. Unless we’re having a rare night out for dinner, he stays in the other room where his electronics reside. We often hear him yelling at the TV and conversing through his headphones with other kids playing video games. It’s so tempting to record him and play it back later - I don’t think he has any idea how loud and vocal he is!
As we kick off the year, though, I wouldn’t trade any of my family. They are MY family - tempers, quirkiness, health issues, and all. But I can still hope for improvements...
I wish you a Happy New Year!
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