My mind is feeling as old as my body these days, and my matter definitely outweighs my mind. I guess my midlife crisis is in full swing.
Coping with aging parents really takes a toll. Mentally, I find myself exhausted from trying to figure out how to cope with their idiosyncracies, which seem much more prevalent than before. Physically, this old body just doesn't handle being on the go so much. You would think with all this stuff wearing me out, I would be sleeping like a log. Not so. I spend many nights laying in bed, trying to go back to sleep. I should probably just get up and do something so I can be tired again.
We went to visit my father-in-law at the nursing home, his new home away from home. Pardon me, but the place is a dump. It was very discouraging to me, and I only have to visit. I can only imagine how he must feel, living in the place. He calls my husband several times a week, practically begging him to come take him home. Unfortunately, we have to keep telling him that only his wife can take him out of there. From his recent reactions, we think he's starting to understand that.
His room is very small. There are two twin beds with recliners shoved up against each of them. There are two small dressers, one of each person. There is one narrow closet for them to share. His roommate is older and drools constantly - I don't think he is able to talk. They share a bathroom with another room that mirrors theirs. My mother-in-law has apparently tried to make it homey for him. He has a couple of quilts from home on the bed, and there are family pictures on his wall. But that's about it.
We visited with him for about two hours. He was very weepy at first, but we got him talking about traveling with his motorcycle and then he was happy for awhile. But then he wanted to go ride his motorcycle. We tried to distract him with talk of how cold it was outside, but he put on a sweatshirt that wasn't his, and insisted he would be warm enough. We could tell he was starting to get agitated. We convinced him that they wouldn't let him out, again explaining that only his wife can take him out. He seemed to accept that, but he did ask me to please go to his house and bring back his helmet for him. How could I do anything but agree, even if it wasn't true?
We hate that we can't figure out a way to keep him entertained. The other Alzheimer's patients have progressed so much farther than he has, and he has nobody to talk with. One day, he was convinced the nurses were holding all of them against their will, and he tried to roust everyone to make a break for it. Another day, he waited until the nurses were busy, then set off the alarm by opening a door, and promptly turned and ran to another door to go out. Luckily, he stepped out but came right back in, laughing and thinking he had pulled a fast one on the nurses. Most of them do not think that's funny.
It's exhausting to spend two hours with him, and I find that very sad.
My parents ask about my father-in-law, and I am thankful for their concern and their understanding. But they are having their own health issues, and I worry about them too. None of us are getting any younger. I try to remind myself that I should enjoy every moment I have with them, as we never know when it might be our last.
Patience has never been my best virtue, but life is a good teacher, and I'm learning it as I go.
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