Hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas! We were blessed to host family at our house - lots of good conversation and good food!
The days leading up to Christmas were not as enjoyable as they could have been. After my mother-in-law's panic a week ago, someone from the nursing home (which is over an hour away) came to evaluate my father-in-law. On Thursday, she notified my hubby that the nursing home would be coming to get his dad on Friday. She claimed they had advised her not to come visit for a few days, until they could get him settled. We later found out my mother-in-law had apparently told my father-in-law that they (the nursing home people) were taking him to have Christmas with his kids. He was excited and went along, but once they arrived at the nursing home, he was confused. The nursing home called my sister-in-law, who lives there, to come and calm him down. He did not understand why he wasn't going home with her.
Over the weekend, she received numerous other calls from the nursing home. Her dad was extremely upset, and she finally broke down and told him that 1) the nursing home was his new home because his wife no longer wanted him at his home, and 2) nobody could get him out of the nursing home except his wife. Harsh, yes, but true. My sister-in-law told the nursing home they needed to put a bracelet on him because he was a flight risk. They didn't really believe her but on Saturday evening, he walked out of the nursing home and managed to get about a half mile away before someone found him. The nursing home staff were also scared that he would become violent - thanks to whatever my mother-in-law had told them. He gets frustrated, is vocal and stubborn, but he is not violent. My sister-in-law also learned that the nursing home did not tell my mother-in-law not to come, rather they told her she SHOULD come and help him get settled. We have come to the conclusion that, sadly, my mother-in-law is more interested in having him out of her hair than she is worried about how she can help him.
We learned she could have waited until after Christmas to have him moved to the nursing home. She also has the option of moving him closer to home if there is an opening, but she indicated she probably would not do that. He's over an hour away from home, and she was quite blunt with everyone that she will not be driving to see him during the winter. The more she says, the more we are convinced she is basically abandoning him - she no longer wants to deal with him. Very sad, but true.
My hubby and his siblings are struggling with this situation. Honestly, so am I. I would like to share a few choice words with my mother-in-law, but it's not my place. I pray that my father-in-law understands that the nursing home IS his new home, and that he will adjust quickly. The sad part is that he is not far enough gone with his Alzheimer's to be kept in the nursing home, and I fear they will need to sedate him to keep him from leaving and hurting himself. I've regretfully come to the conclusion that my mother-in-law is a very selfish woman. I hope that 2013 brings happier days for my father-in-law and my hubby and his siblings.
Otherwise, we were thankful to have good weather, which allowed family to travel where they needed to go. A few family members were not feeling 100% but we hope they feel better soon.
Here's to good health, happiness and better days ahead for 2013!
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