Don't Go Breakin' My Heart...

It breaks my heart to see my kids hurting.

Son's girlfriend broke up with him...I think.  Facebook shows her status as single and one of the guys Son hates most "liked" her status. Son will be extremely angry when he sees that. But in the meantime, I'm really worried about him. This was his first girlfriend and he fell hard. They've been dating for almost 5 months.  We suspected a couple weeks ago that things were not going smoothly - their normal routine changed.

He's been moody the past couple of weeks, too. But everytime I tried to ask how things were going, he didn't want to talk about it or he would change the subject. I got the message and backed off. Tonight, again, he disappeared into his room before dinner. Then he didn't want to eat, so I knew something was up. But, I left him alone because that's what I thought he wanted. Then after dinner, I got on Facebook - sometimes I think it's at the root of all our problems!!! I saw that my hunch was right, and was trying to decide how to proceed. Daughter came home and informed me Son was mad at me for not caring!

I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't!

I knocked on his door again. He won't let me in, and doesn't want to talk to me. So I resorted to their tactics:  I texted him. Told him I'm sorry, that I'm here if he wants to talk, and that I love him. True to form, his reply was that I'm not someone he wants to talk to, that I didn't care enough to check on him for the past hour and 20 minutes. He thinks I don't care or I'm oblivious. He's wrong on both counts.

Now he's gone out for a walk. I asked where he was going. "Don't know, don't care," he answered by text. I  told him I do care. No answer. Daughter texted me and told me he showed up at her shop, so at least I know he is not alone. Hopefully she can help him through this, since he obviously doesn't trust me to do it.

I feel so helpless...this sucks.

Chasing Dreams

I'm a little jealous.

Daughter is one step closer to achieving her dreams: being a dirt track race car driver!  A year ago, she bought a race car.  She stripped it down and rebuilt it to be the car she wants it to be.  Last Sunday she put the car on the track for the first time!  She did pretty well, all things considered.  And I wasn't even nervous...until she spun.  Hubby had warned me that I could not go running down on the track if she hit the wall.  Excuse me?  I'm her mother!  I can do what I need to do!  Not that running on the track would be a smart move...

She called me when she got back to her pit.  Thinking her spin may have scared her, I asked if she was going back out on the track.  "Heck yeah!" she answered - without a hint of hesitation.  Sigh.  So much for my secret hope that she would hate it and pick a safer dream...

With each set of practice laps, she went a little faster.  She's still very slow compared to experienced drivers, and she's got a long way to go.  But she's 20 years old and she's achieving her dreams, one step at a time.  She may drive me a little nuts, but I'm very proud of her!

Sitting on the other side of the fence, I'm way over 20 and well on my way to 50.  I still haven't accomplished my own dreams.  I've wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember.  I started out writing poems and stories about animals when I was young.  In my teens, I decided I wanted to be a romance writer.  I devoured Harlequin romances, and my imagination was pretty active.  But my priorities were different, and I put my dream on the back burner. I'm not sure it was a conscious decision.  I went to college, worked full-time, got married, and started a family.  Along the way, I played at being a writer.  I joined writers groups, took some writing classes, and thought about writing.  I even completed a rough draft of a book.  But my family was my first priority. 

Now that Daughter is grown (although not out on her own), and Son is almost 16, I find that they don't require as much of my time as they did when they were younger.  They still demand their fair share of my attention, but it's easier to spend my down-time writing than it used to be.

When I was about Daughter's age, I bought a t-shirt that became my personal theme.  It was decorated with a Boynton character and it said:

"Someday you'll be able to say you knew me before I was rich and famous."  

Well, it's not "someday" yet.  To Hubby's dismay, I am not rich.  And the thought of being famous is not as exciting as it used to be.  I still WANT to be a romance writer, and I'm still working to achieve my dreams.  I hope I can make as much progress in the next year as Daughter has made in the past year!

March Madness

March Madness has arrived in the Referee's life.

Daughter got yelled at by the mayor when she started up her race car for the first time.  Mayor and one of his neighbors got all excited and told her she couldn't have a race shop in our town.  He ranted and raved at her, telling her the noise disturbed them as they were trying to cook out.  It was before 8 PM on a Friday night.  I doubt she was breaking any noise ordinances (but I will check into it).  It's probably a good thing Hubby and I didn't know about it until after the fact, or things could have gotten out of hand.  As it is, Hubby plans to have a talk with the mayor on Monday.  I hope I don't have to go bail him out of jail!

Then I stayed up late last night watching basketball, crossing teams like Duke and Missouri off the pool picks. Let's just say my red pen got a workout!  At 11 PM, I had to run and pick up my son.  He and his girlfriend were hanging out with their friends. They went swimming.  In an outdoor pool.  I told him "It's March!"  In that disgusted tone of voice, he said, "Mom, it's hot out."  Yeah, yeah.  He always thinks it's hot - he wears shorts year round!

Today I spent the day doing laundry, then hubby and I decided to go take a walk at the park.  Being the considerate mother that I am, I texted both kids (son was with his girlfriend again and daughter was at work) and told them where we would be.  Son texted me back quickly, suggesting we go to a different park because he and his girlfriend were headed to the same park.  "I don't want to see you old people there," were his exact words.

We went to the other park.  We had a nice walk and saw a couple deer, and I was able to take a few pictures.  As we were leaving the park, Daughter called.  She needed help getting her race car on the trailer.  By the time we got home, she had it on the trailer but was having problems getting it tied down.  It was probably less than 2 minutes before she told both of us not to touch anything.  Hubby walked to the opposite end of the shop, then came back and helped anyway.  I walked away and talked to an old neighbor who was working next door.  Once again, we are stupid.

Yes, I know she's a wreck.  Tomorrow is her first practice.  This is the day she has dreamed of since she was a little girl.  That race car is her baby.  After tomorrow, maybe she'll know how I feel letting MY baby go...

Today IS St. Patrick's Day...maybe I can find some of that green stuff and close the day on a good note!

Well, that was yesterday...the madness continues.  My internet has been cantakerous on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays for the past month.  I've called my provider and they claim there is nothing wrong.  I'm here to tell you SOMETHING is wrong!  Sunday through Wednesday I have no problems accessing the internet or any websites.  But those other days, I might get online, but once I get there, nothing will load.  Drives me nuts!  So anyway, here is my belated post...and here's hoping my internet provider will fix this before next weekend!

Spring Forward and Lose Sleep

Tonight we "spring forward" by turning our clocks ahead by one hour, which means unless we go to bed early or are able to sleep in, we lose an hour of sleep. And I lose enough sleep without the help of Daylight Saving Time.

I don't sleep well most nights.  My mind is too busy and I often wake in the wee hours of the morning, thinking of things I forgot to do, or things I need to do.  I sometimes lay awake for an hour or more before I finally fall back to sleep.  Of course, by then, it's not long before the alarm goes off and I have to get up anyway.

I lose sleep when Daughter stays out late.  Yes, we've come to the agreement that I need to go to bed - I can't wait up for her when she goes out.  The deal is that I keep my cell phone on, and she texts me whenever she's leaving where she's at.  That way, I can attempt to sleep at least until she's on her way home. It's better than not sleeping at all.  But once she texts me, I might as well get up and read or something because I lay in bed watching the clock and I don't go back to sleep until she's home.

I lose sleep when I'm worrying about Son.  He is 15 going on 21, scaring me more each day.  He's too smart for his own good.  He thinks he knows everything - that seems to be a family trait for all the males in my husband's family.  They know EVERYTHING - even if they weren't there when something happened. Drives me nuts!  Anyway, the love bug has bitten him.  Bad.  I worry that when - and I know it will be when and not if - he and his girlfriend break up, his heart is going to be broken.  We all have to go through it, but it's so hard to watch.  I hate it when my kids are hurting and there's nothing I can do about it.

Hubby says he can sleep through anything, and I admit it - I snore - so it's good that he can sleep through it.  I, however, do not sleep through much.  I can't go to sleep if Hubby is snoring in my ear.  I've tried turning the other way, putting a pillow over my head, and flopping around to wake him enough that he rolls over.  Sometimes flopping works, but usually when he snores, the couch and I are buddies.

On the upside, Daylight Saving Time means that it doesn't get dark until late in the evening throughout the summer.  It would be a bummer if it was dark at 6 PM all summer long!  I guess losing an hour of sleep is not so bad, especially since we have the opportunity to gain it back when we "fall back" later in the year.

Unfortunately, that doesn't mean I get any more sleep...

Patience is a Virtule

It's been a long week for my mom.  Her cellulitis is going away, but not fast enough.  Both the surgeon and her regular doctor thought it best to postpone the shoulder surgery originally scheduled for tomorrow.  Since nobody knows what caused the cellulitis, they don't want to take any chances on opening her up.  I'm thankful she has such caring doctors. 

Mom, however, is pretty frustrated.  Understandably so.  She's already been taking pain medicines for a month. Tylenol with codeine is not nice to our systems, especially not when we take it for long periods of time.  But on the up side, she told me she plans to take advantage of the down-time by sorting through stuff at home, and maybe take some walks because she can't do much else.  

Walking will be good for her.  It might teach her patience.  

Years ago, when I was in high school, I used to walk my little brother to the grade school.  One day on the way to school, he was giving me "Love Advice" as he called it.  I really liked this one guy, but he didn't seem to be as interested in me as I was in him.  We were friends and we did a lot of things together, but I wanted more.  I don't remember what I told my brother that day, but I must have been impatient because he told me "Patience is a virtule."  

I've never forgotten that!  We all know patience is a virtue, and I have no clue what a virtule is.  All I know is that over the years, walking has done many things for me - except, that is, teach me patience.  Maybe I better keep trying to figure out what a virtule is.