Preserving My Sanity

Hubby and I spent yesterday at a local preserve, hiking trails and enjoying the views. Today, we ventured out to explore another preserve but when we arrived it was closed - the gate shut and locked. So we made our way back to the preserve we visited yesterday.

Hiking was good for me. I enjoyed the time away from work, and away from the stress of family issues. Daughter was at work or with her boyfriend, and Son chose to stay home and play video games. I'm grateful for cell phones when Hubby and I venture out without the kids, but it's still really good to get away.  The kids don't enjoy hiking as much as Hubby and I do.

The preserve we visited has lots of deer. Over two days, I bet we saw 30! We were thrilled to see a fawn on one trail yesterday, and today we saw a doe with three babies.  

We hiked most of the trails, enjoying views of the woods and the river. We saw birds and butterflies, squirrels and the tail of a raccoon.  Around one pond, we saw muskrats and a huge snapping turtle.

Most of the trails are wide paths that I feel comfortable on - I can see what I'm stepping on.  Today, though, we ended up on a primitive loop that had a section of tall grass. I wanted to run through that section, but Hubby was in front of me.  I was really glad to get through it without stepping on something I really did not want to see!

My body will make me pay for two days of hiking - my calves are sore already.  But my mind is clearer than it has been in a long time. Nature has a way of preserving my sanity!

Can't Win for Losing

Some days, I can't win for losing.

Today was not too bad for a Monday, until Son came home from soccer practice. It's almost 100 degrees out there and normally he doesn't want anything heavy to eat when he comes home. Tonight, the minute he walked in the door, he wanted to know what we cooked for dinner. Well, since it was just hubby and I, we made something Son doesn't like because we didn't think he would want dinner. Apparently we were wrong. Again.

Friday was similar. Son had a soccer game and Daughter was racing - in another town 45 minutes away. Hubby and I felt it was important to attend Son's soccer game over going racing. He's still in high school, and  we made it a point not to miss any of her high school events. Daughter thought we should split duty so one of us could be at each event, and a part of me agreed, but I struggled to make it happen. I told her repeatedly that I really wanted to be there - for both of them. I was worried about both of them getting hurt. But I was struggling with what was the right thing to do. She finally said she was going to let it go, that she was struggling with at least one of us not being there, but that she understood. I don't honestly know if she did or not, but she seemed to accept it. 

I'm still feeling guilty. Son's soccer game didn't get over until later than normal - too late for us to drive to her race. And by the time we got home, she had texted me to tell me she had hit the wall - hard. Believe me, those are not words any mother of a race car driver wants to hear! Guilt flooded through me. I wasn't there when I should have been. Even knowing I couldn't control what happened didn't make it any easier. She had both right side wheels up on the wall, and almost rolled the car coming out of turn four. Once I was sure she was alright, part of me was thinking "Thank God I wasn't there!" I would probably have embarrassed her by running out on the track to be sure she was ok. And then I felt more guilty for thinking that way.  I should have been there.

I need to be cloned, complete with built-in osmosis so whatever my clone feels/does/observes is transmitted to the real me. I don't want to miss anything my kids do. I thought it would get easier as they got older, but I was wrong. I still want to be there with them, to see them actively pursuing their interests, their dreams. I don't want to miss any of it, but sometimes it's just not possible to be two places at once.

Guilt is a terrible thing. I really can't win for losing.

Heat Waves

The last two weeks have been crazy busy, not to mention ridiculously hot!

We started July off with a 6:30 AM Sunday morning phone call from my father-in-law. He was on his golf cart, stranded in between two corn fields - out of gas. He couldn't reach his wife on the phone, so he called Hubby to come get him. I was worried that he'd take off walking and get really lost, especially since it takes us 40-45 minutes to get to his house. But Hubby talked until he had a pretty good idea where my father-in-law was, and then he went to rescue him. By the time he got there, my father-in-law had been able to reach his wife on her cell phone and she had taken him gas so he could make it home. Wasted trip.

That afternoon, we went back. The family was gathering to celebrate my father-in-law's birthday and a late Father's Day. We spent about 3 and a half hours there, and I was extremely disappointed that so few family members attempted to talk to my father-in-law. I know he isn't always aware of what's going on around him. I know he tells the same story over and over again, not realizing it. But he is still their father, and he's not going to be around forever. I spent more time talking with him than anyone else. All I could think about was how awful it must be for him, especially if he realizes what's going on around him. I was so mad, I had my own mini heatwave going on.

A good part of the last two weeks has been spent on soccer.  July is summer soccer month. Son has had practices and games smack in the middle of some of the hottest parts of the days! Of course, no part of the day has been really cool, so that's easy to do. Our team is off to a great start so far.  We lost only one player from last year, so our team is really strong and works well together - for the most part. We spent the last two days at a tournament, where we won 4 out of 5 games. We are really proud of the kids for playing hard and keeping focused on their goal: winning. They did it with class and good sportsmanship, which is more than I can say for some of the other teams, and their parents.

Daughter took about a month off from racing, but finished 10th on Friday night - her best finish yet! She plans to race again this Friday, but Son also has a soccer game, so I need to be cloned. I really don't want to miss either one of their events. Not being there scares me. Anybody want to stand in for me?

On the home front, I've been coping a little better with Son driving, and with letting Daughter grow up. It's not an easy thing for this Referee to do, but I'm learning...