Happy New Year!

Wishing everyone a safe and Happy New Year!

Merry Christmas from The Referee!

Countdown to Christmas

Well, it's December 15th and I'm not feeling as frazzled as I thought would be. Most of the shopping is done, and I have hopes that one more night will do it. Then I remember my "Murphy's Law" record of shopping... You know, what can go wrong will?  What I should be able to find, I can't is how it works with shopping.

I hate shopping with Hubby because his shopping never goes that way. He walks in to a store, finds what he wants, and leaves. And then he wonders why it takes me so long. Well, this past week, he got a taste of my Murphy's Law shopping. We left home a little after 6 PM, and didn't get home until 10 PM. The first store we stopped at was full of "Shop with a Cop" people. The second store didn't have the sizes of shirts we wanted. The third store we found what we wanted. I talked him into going into Office Depot for toners, since we were right there. Probably 30-45 minutes later, we left there. They only had one register open, and everybody in front of us needed an override from the manager, who was AWOL each time. It was a very frustrating purchase, but we made it. Then we hit another store and couldn't find what we needed, but after asking customer service, we found it. Nobody in line at the checkout, so we thought we'd go right through. Wrong. The computer froze up and we had to move to another register, and wait on another override because the sale price advertised didn't ring up. Hubby was really frustrated and I couldn't help but say "Welcome to my world!"

This weekend, we had a big snowfall and plans for early Saturday were cancelled. I addressed Christmas cards while Hubby shoveled an estimated 8" of snow out of our drive, but at least it wasn't bitter cold. Saturday night Son had a soccer game so we ventured out, just as the snow was starting to drift over the roads. On our way back home, the roads were drifted in many spots, so it took us longer to get home than usual. Today has been a relaxing but productive day. I managed to get laundry done and some presents wrapped, made a list for my next shopping expedition, and will soon settle down to watch my favorite show while sitting in front of a roaring fire. I can't complain!

Oh, I almost forgot! We babysat the grand-hedgehog while Daughter went out of town. He's cute, but not cuddly like a puppy. But he's no problem at all to watch, either.

Again this week, I've been thinking of several friends going through tough times and praying for good things for each of them. I'm very blessed...

10 days until Christmas!

Sometimes I'm A Bah Humbug!

I can't believe it's December already!  Years ago, someone told me that times flies by faster the older you get.  I'm inclined to agree with them!

Son's soccer season has ended now.  I'm proud of him for being named to All-Conference, and also for being Honorable Mention in the All-Area listing.  This morning he had the honor of playing on the All-Area Honorable Mention team at our local indoor facility, hosted by the local junior college. The coaches seemed to be interested in only offensive guys, and son is a defensive guy, but he had a good time anyway.

Daughter is gearing up for the next race season. It will be darn cold when she first hits the track again in late March, but I know she is ready for it. This old body, not so much!

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving. Speaking for several members of my family - we ate too much!  My mother-in-law has munchies out throughout the day, and it's easy to fill up on cheese and crackers, olives, carrots and dip...and then still want to eat a full meal when it's served. One meal for that day is enough, that's for sure!

On the way home, we stopped for a few minutes to say Happy Thanksgiving to my father-in-law. It was 6 PM and he was already in bed. Lights were out but the TV was on.  The kids were with us - it's the first time they've been to the nursing home and seen him in his current condition.  It was very hard on them.

My thoughts and prayers are also with a friend who spent Thanksgiving in the hospital with her sick baby. While they have identified part of the problem, doctors haven't been able to offer a viable solution. He has appointments with specialists on December 12th and 19th in St. Louis.  I am praying they are able to stay out of the hospitals until then, and that the specialists are able to help them. Being in and out of the hospital is taking it's toll on the baby, as well as the rest of the family.

Christmas will be here before we know it.  We finished decorating the house yesterday.  It was a much less painful (emotionally) experience this year - I'm not sure if hubby was less stressed over it or what.  But he didn't get mad while we were decorating, so that was a plus.  I even admitted to feeling Bah Humbug-ish over decorating, and he took that well, too.  Now it's time to finish the shopping.

There are many friends and family who are in my daily thoughts and prayers. I appreciate each and every one of you and wish you all a happy holiday season!

Thank You, Veterans

I heard today that someone on Facebook posted "I'm dreaming of a white Veteran's Day." I only dream of a white Christmas, and then I want snow on Christmas Eve - just a little bit, but it can melt the day after Christmas. That's all the winter I need!  Unfortunately, I think snow on Veteran's Day indicates that we are in for a long winter.  

We visited my father-in-law this weekend, as well as my mother-in-law.  Father-in-law looked good, better than he has the past few times we've been there. He was alert, holding his head up, and even looking up at us without us trying to get him to look up. But he appeared angry, and probably confused. Hubby tried to get him up so we could walk with him like we usually do, but he strongly resisted and Hubby had to let him ease back into his recliner. My father-in-law promptly tried to kick Hubby. I guess that was his way of saying "leave me alone".  It was a very long hour and 15 minute visit. He did say a few words, something about "left-handed" that I couldn't make out. And when he kept scooting forward in his chair like he wanted to get up, I asked if I could do something for him - rather than asking if I could help him up, since he didn't like it when Hubby asked him that. He responded that no, I couldn't help him with what he wanted to do. That was the most I've heard him say in months! We don't know if they decreased his meds, or what. It was encouraging to see him more alert, but disconcerting to feel his anger and frustration. 

It was my mother-in-law's birthday the same day. We had a nice visit with her, and did a few things around the house for her. She seems to be doing fairly well out in the country on her own. I do worry about her being out there, but she seems happy. She will soon be watching my new nephew when my sister-in-law goes back to work. I hope it's not too much for her. 

Today was a happy Monday. I officially learned that a co-worker is leaving for another job. I know I shouldn't be so happy, but I can't help it. And I know if you can't say something nice, you shouldn't say anything at all. So let it be enough for me to say that I hope she finds what she's looking for. I think it will be a good thing for her, and for us. 'Nuff said. 

It seems like a number of people I know are going through difficult times, for one reason or another. My thoughts and prayers go out to them and I hope they all find answers or solutions to their individual situations. I am grateful for each and every one of them.

As today is Veteran's Day, in spite of the snow, I would like to thank the veterans for all they have done and continue to do for us here in America. God Bless them all. 

November Already!

I didn't realize I've been away for almost a month. Life has been busy!

Early October saw us busy with soccer games. Unfortunately, we lost our regional championship game to a team that has been a pain in our rear ends for all four years of my sons' high school career. I can feel my blood pressure rising just mentioning it! So now I'll move on.

We've visited my father-in-law at the nursing home. It seems like each visit gets shorter and shorter. The last time, he had just finished lunch. We walked around the nursing home with him twice and then took him back to his room, since he seemed tired. We no more than got him settled into his recliner and he was out like a light. No point in staying to watch him sleep. I know the medicines they have him on are a big part of how he behaves, but it's still very hard to see him like that.

My sister-in-law delivered a small but healthy little boy on October 1! He's a preemie but so adorable. Lots of dark hair. They were able to take him home after only 2-1/2 weeks instead of the 6 weeks they were warned might happen. Two weeks ago, when we visited my father-in-law, we also visited the new arrival. I got to hold the little guy, so I was happy to have my baby fix! The rest of the family might have to fight me for him at Thanksgiving...

This weekend, we visited my parents. Dad is having a rough time lately - for whatever reason, he seems to be dizzy a lot, and very argumentative. Mom is still doing very well without all the meds she was on, and I am thankful for that. My brother had his knee surgery at the end of September and seems to be recuperating well. He did make one trip to the ER and had to have fluid drained off, but seems to be doing better now. I hope he is able to get back to work soon.

We also attended Daughter's racing awards night, where she was presented with a plaque for her 9th place finish in points at one track. Last year she finished 17th, so she improved overall. I think she learned a lot this year but she still has a lot more to learn. I hope next year brings good things for her.

Hubby and I also took some much needed time for ourselves and went hiking. It was a beautiful day with the sun shining. We saw quite a few deer, and enjoyed listening to the sounds of nature.

With Thanksgiving come up soon, I am thankful for so many things in my life: family, good friends, and good health, to name a few. I need to make it a point to let the people who are important to me know how thankful I am to have them in my life. No better time than Thanksgiving to say it. So to those of you reading this, thank you for being an important part of my life. :)

Hello October!

Fall is trying to arrive, but summer doesn't seem quite ready to let go yet. However, the leaves are starting to turn, and many are already on the ground. Cooler nights make for great sleeping weather, and the days are starting to call for sweatshirts - some of my favorite weather!

I survived saying goodbye to my officemate. We both did well until it was time to leave, then we shed a few tears.  But overall, we had a memorable and fun day.  My first day without her was actually more emotional. Several caring coworkers stopped by or messaged me to see if I was holding up ok, and I am very grateful for their support. I did well until my daughter, bless her heart, surprised me with these delicious strawberries and this note:

I am sure you will need these.  Just because she isn’t there with you at work, doesn’t mean you are no longer friends.  So smile and enjoy the chocolate. 

I spent my whole lunch hour bawling – it just hit me then that 1) my daughter has become a wonderful young woman, and 2) my office will be lonely without my officemate.

On the same day, my sister-in-law welcomed her baby boy, albeit several weeks early.  We got to meet him yesterday in the NICU, but he's doing well and will hopefully be able to go home soon. 

With the start of October, it means son's senior year of soccer is almost over. With only 2 regular season games left, and then playoffs, it's kind of bittersweet. We're all looking forward to not being on the run so much, and yet we dread the season being over since it means he will no longer be playing high school sports. And it also means that a quarter of the school year is already over. Graduation will be here way before I am ready for it!

I also want to give a shout-out to several friends and family who are always supportive of me. I want them to know that I treasure them, and keep them in my prayers even if I'm not talking to them as often as I would like to. 

Happy Fall!

Goodbye September

I can't believe tomorrow is the last day of September!  The month has flown by, but then it's been a very busy month.

Soccer games have taken up a good portion of the month. Son is doing well - he is a large part of our defense, and without him there, we would have been scored upon more than we have been.  He's also played goalie when needed, which has been a couple of games and always when we have PK's.  Our other goalie, a freshman, is still learning to dive. With only two weeks left of regular season play, I'm starting to get a little nostalgic. Senior night is this week, following our last home game, and I suspect many of us moms will be a little teary. 

Tomorrow also marks the end of my officemate's working days. She is retiring. We have been together for almost 13 years, and it will be very different not having her there to be my cohort in crime -- someone to vent to and with, and someone to consume chocolate with me. They plan to replace her, in time, but the replacement will be housed in another office so for the first time in my life, I will be in an office of my own. I sincerely hope they don't move me to a smaller office, but I can see it happening. We did have fun last week, rearranging the office. (Hubby doesn't like to rearrange at home, so I needed to get my fix somewhere!)

I know it's not Thanksgiving yet, but I am very thankful to have several very good friends in my life. Without them, I would be lost. I'm sending prayers out for all of you. Be strong, and know that I am here for you - just as you have been for me. Thank you, my friends, for being a big part of my life.

I'm also sending prayers out for my sister-in-law who will have a c-section plus additional surgery on October 1. She's been on bed-rest since early August, and the baby is just now 34 weeks. I pray that all goes well with her surgery and that the baby and she will have no complications.

Goodbye September...fall is near!

Long Weekend Not Long Enough!

The three day weekend wasn't long enough.  Never is, but at least I have a job to go back to after the weekend.  I shouldn't complain.  :)

I did something this weekend that I haven't done in a very long time.  I went out to see a movie with friends and then sat around on the deck, relaxing and talking until the wee hours.  We had a couple drinks and good munchies.  I'd forgotten how much fun it can be to have a girls night out.  We should do it more often!  Even though Son was tried to tell me I don't have any friends... silly kid!  

The soccer season is off to a busy start.  We've had four games and our record is now 2-1-1.  This week is our conference tournament and one of our best players is out with a concussion.  I hope the team can pull together and play well without him.  We have a better team than anybody thought it would be, I think. And I'm very proud to say Son was listed in the local paper as one of the top returning defensive players for our conference!  He loves what he does out there.  

Daughter has had some down-time, with one last race planned for September 15th.  Hopefully that will be a good day!

Mom and dad are doing pretty good.  Mom is still only taking a few meds and that seems to be working for her.  Dad seems still depressed and disoriented at times.  My brother is off work (again) - he had fluid drained off his knee and is awaiting results of an MRI.  I'm really concerned that his work might fire him this time. It's not a good situation.

Work has been crazy busy, partly because school just started and partly because I've been leaving early for soccer games.  There has not been a final resolution to whether or not they will replace my office mate, so I'm in limbo waiting to hear about that.  It just adds to the stress. 

Sending prayers out to some good friends going through difficult times.  I heard that one friend received relatively good news and I am thankful for that, but I haven't talked to her yet.  Another friend did get good news and is very relieved, as am I.  And at this time, I'm praying another friend and her family have a safe trip to see her son graduate from boot camp. Thinking of you all!

Back to School for Senior Year

Back to school time means things are really busy here at the Referee's house.  My baby is starting his senior year of high school.  Hard to believe he can be 17 going on 18 already!  He says he hates school, but he gets straight A's so I can't complain.  I think the problem is that it doesn't challenge him.  This year he's taking a web design class, which I hope will keep him interested and maybe end up being a career opportunity, since computers seem to be what he is interested in.  Well, computers as they relate to Xbox and YouTube!

The first game of the soccer season is tomorrow, and we average 3-5 games a week through September. We're all going to be exhausted by October.  I'm not wishing the time away, though, since this is his last season.  

Daughter raced a week ago today, and hopes to have one more race mid-September before parking the racecar for the season.  She learned a lot this year, and finished 9th in points at her regular track.  I'm proud of her for chasing her dreams.  

I'm planning to visit my parents sometime this week, in between soccer games or maybe on the weekend. My brother called yesterday to tell me he had a bunch of fluid drained from his knee and is off work (again) for at least two weeks.  I'm sure my parents are feeling the pressure from that, and they shouldn't have to.

We visited my father-in-law today at the nursing home.  He was completely out, and it took hubby 45 minutes to wake him.  He had missed lunch so they brought that to him once we had him awake, but then we spent the next hour watching him eat.  I was happy to see he had an appetite, but it wasn't one of our better visits. Then we went to my mother-in-law's and helped her with a couple things.  We were there longer than I had hoped, and I was feeling resentful on the drive home.  I know I shouldn't.  I'm just stressed with so many other things that I wanted to be home doing things I want or need to do.  

Work has been really stressful, worrying about what my department may or may not do to replace my officemate, who is retiring September 30th.  This week, there were several meetings with discussions of the situation.  At first, the word was that they would temporarily reassign faculty.  As of Friday, the word was that they will bring in a temporary worker, which I hope means they will be eventually hiring a permanent replacement.  But so far nobody has actually said that.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed.  

Tonight, with thoughts of some good friends, I offer up prayers of hope and healing. 

Vacation Signals Summer's End

The last couple of weeks have been crazy busy, but in different ways.  

Two weeks ago, I was frantically trying to get all my work caught up before leaving on vacation.  I failed to get it all done, but it will be there when I go back to work on Monday.  Too bad I don't have a work fairy to take care of it for me!  

I'm also very stressed because my office mate of 12 years will be retiring September 16.  Only three more weeks to work with her, then she's taking two weeks of vacation.  The office will not be the same without her, and I am especially concerned about how I will keep up with an additional faculty member.  We've had no official word yet, but suspect they will be divvying up her faculty among the remaining secretaries.  With budget cuts, it's only going to get worse, I'm afraid.  My job is more than just a job to me, but I will need to learn to leave work at work when it's time to go home.  If I can't do that, I will drive myself nuts.  Wish me luck!

Vacation started a week ago Friday at 3 PM.  We spent the evening watching Daughter race, and it took me most of the evening to relax.  Hubby and I went hiking on Saturday and Sunday, which we enjoy. Monday I went shopping for hubby's birthday - I hate shopping for him because he doesn't need anything, and isn't a fan of fun things that I would choose for other family members.  Ah well...he gets what he gets when he doesn't give me a list!  Tuesday we took Son to Turkey Run and hiked there. The suspension bridge across the river was closed, so we hiked around, making it a very long day.  But we all made it safely, thankfully, and said a prayer for the lady who broke her ankle out on the trail. Wednesday was another day off, relaxing at home and grocery shopping.  Thursday we took Son and a friend to Kings Island in Cincinnati, Ohio.  The boys had a blast, and that's what we were hoping for.  Friday was hubby's birthday - he golfed with good friends and shared memories of his shared birthday with a friend no longer on this earth. It was good for him to have that time with them.  Then we watched Daughter race Friday night.  Today we hiked again, and tomorrow we are tackling the state fair.  

I need to win the lotto so I can take a permanent vacation and not have to return to work!

Sending prayers out to my sister-in-law, who is in the hospital trying to hold off going into labor.  She's only 25 weeks and they are really concerned about her and the baby.  She said she feels like she's in jail, but she does have bathroom and shower privileges. We plan to visit her Monday evening.  

Hard to believe the summer is almost over. School registration is this week, and then school starts next week.  Time is really flying by... 

Fronts Ease July Heat

The fronts have finally come through and things seem to be settling down.  

Weather-wise, the cold front came through and eased the 90-plus temperatures and the high humidity. The weather channel is predicting mid- to low-80's for this week.  It will be a welcome change. 

Last weekend we were tied up with Son's soccer tournament.  Two days, five games (four of them losses).  It's going to be a long year for us, after the great season we had last year.  Losing half of our team to graduating seniors really hurts.  We have a new crop of freshmen who will help but it's going to take them awhile to figure out the high school soccer scene.  Hard to believe this is Son's senior year.  I'm sure it will fly by much faster than I am prepared for. 

Sunday, we hurried home from the last soccer game to change clothes and head to the racetrack to watch Daughter race.  She did ok, but it was a special show which meant a higher car count, which meant she didn't make the feature.  It was probably for the best - there were quite a few cars torn up by wrecks.  She went home in one piece, and for that I am grateful. 

Work was a bear this week. Basically just busy with everyone back from meetings, but concerns are weighing heavy on my mind.  My office mate will be retiring in two months, and there are subtle indications that they may not replace her. I'm sick about it for several reasons, but I'll have to deal with it however it works out. 

On the family front, things seem to be going well for now.  My mom sounds amazingly strong, considering everything she's been through.  She's still off all the meds except asthma meds and one allergy pill.  I think it's great that she's doing so well!  She goes back to the doctor in another week, so we'll see what he says then.  Dad is holding up ok, although I think he is depressed. My brother has gone back to work and so far, so good.  I'm praying that things continue to go well with all of them.  It eases my stress some. 

Been a good, relaxing weekend.  Hubby went with a friend out of town but will return tomorrow.  Son and I had some nice conversations yesterday.  I miss those days when he talked with me more than he usually does now. 

Sending prayers out for family and friends, especially those who are facing difficult times right now. 

Squished Feeling Eased

For a short week, it was a long week.  

Mom has been slow to rebound from being on so many medicines.  I suspect her body is still trying to adjust to not having them.  But every day she sounds a little stronger, and she is determined not to go back on any meds she doesn't need.  The doctor was pleased with her progress when we say him on Wednesday.  Her appetite is still pretty slim, but she is trying to eat healthy foods every day.  Sometimes baby-steps are better than no steps at all.  

Dad is terribly down about life in general.  He isn't helping mom much at all, and although my brother being there is stressful for mom and dad, he is helping more than dad is.  I'm sure dad doesn't see it that way, though. My brother continues to have his own problems.  He spent Wednesday at the ER with kidney problems and then missed work, again, on Wednesday night.  That resulted in another suspension for missing his shift.  I suspect the next incident will get him fired.  I hope he can find another job.  I'm afraid if he loses this one, it will be the straw that breaks the camels back in a few situations.  

Overall, though, that squished feeling eased a bit.  It's a relief to see mom improving. Hopefully that motivate better interactions between dad and my brother.

We spent the fourth of July hiking and then enjoyed fireworks.  Friday we went on a short hike and then daughter was racing.  She had a bad night, though.  Car troubles prevented her from racing. 

Saturday we visited my father-in-law in the nursing home.  He seemed some better, and we walked the halls of the nursing home for about 45 minutes.  By then he was worn out, so we sat and talked to him for awhile longer before leaving.  We also visited my mother-in-law before we headed home.  She is doing very well, all things considered.  And when we got home, hubby and son put on our own personal fireworks show.  I would have enjoyed them much more if the mosquito's hadn't eaten me alive out there.  

Today has been a lazy day.  It was good not to have to go anywhere or do anything -- except laundry, of course.  Tomorrow the rat race starts again.  

It's hard to believe the year is half over already.

Hope everyone had a safe and Happy 4th of July!  

Family Can Drive Me Nuts Sometimes

The squished feeling continued this week.

I visited mom last Sunday and reviewed medicines with her.  She is just plain taking too much!  I've suspected for awhile that her shakiness - which I am worried could be Parkinsons - might actually be caused by all the medicines she's on.  She agreed that we needed to find out if some of the meds could be interfering with others.  I spoke with a couple nurses I know and then made an appointment for us to meet with the doctor on Thursday.  I don't think he was very happy with me - I was asking tough questions.  But he agreed that she could drop several of the meds, he ordered bloodwork, and we scheduled a follow-up appointment in one week.

Friday, daughter was racing so we were at the track.  About 9 PM, my brother called to say he was taking mom to the hospital for fluids - her creatinine was 2.6 when normal is less than 1.  My brother has stage 4 kidney disease so he knows about creatinine.  He told me the doctor had called earlier Friday afternoon to have mom drop two more meds, and to let her know if she felt she needed fluids, to come in.  This doesn't quite make sense to me - I couldn't get a straight answer out of my brother that made sense.  If the doctor knew the creatinine was high, did he WANT her to come in for fluids?  Or was he not that concerned?  I'm confused.  Anyway, they admitted mom to the hospital. We didn't go by since it was late when we were headed home from the track.

I called her Saturday morning and she said she felt worse than she ever had, and she was upset that they wouldn't give her any meds.  They basically were detoxing her, which she probably needed.  My brother was finally allowed to go back to work after being off because of his back, so he went to work Saturday afternoon - only to return an hour later.  Because he missed scheduled shifts - even though he had a doctors note - they suspended him for three more days!  I don't get that. And knowing he was not at work just stressed mom out even more than she already was.  She wanted meds and they would not give them to her, which told me she was or is somewhat addicted to those meds!

I spent way more time talking to my brother than I had intended.  I'm not babying him, but I believe he needs someone to encourage him rather than put him down, to motivate him.  Not that I'm not frustrated - I am extremely frustrated!  But I feel like I have to do what I can to help mom and dad.

Today mom got to go home.  When I called her this evening, she told me the doctor put her back on several of  the meds.  My question for most of them is why?  Why does she need them?  The shakiness I've been worried about was gone.  GONE.  Her face didn't look puffy, it looked relaxed and her color was good.  All those things have been lacking for months.  I plan to ask questions Wednesday when we have her follow-up appointment.  Don't put her right back where she was!!!

And on top of that, mom told me my brother's car is having problems.  I told her she can't be helping him with that, and she didn't answer - rather she tried to change the subject.  I am convinced she helped him anyway, after she insisted she couldn't keep doing it.  I am beyond mad that mom and dad complain about my brother and how he's taking advantage of them, and they want him gone, and yet the continue to enable him.  It's hard to feel sorry for them when they want someone else to do all their dirty work and they won't take a stand.  I'm going to have to work on that, both for them and for myself.  I pray that God will guide me because I know I'm going to upset them when I speak honestly to them about things.

On a good note, today my hubby and I celebrated our 23rd anniversary. We had a nice, relaxing day walking trails at a local park - something I desperately needed.  He even got me a dozen beautiful roses.  I'm so lucky to have him!

Feeling Squished

This week, the sandwich-effect has definitely been in effect. I'm feeling squished.

The kids don't want me telling them what to do, and yet they want me to tell them what to do.  I can't always tell them that, even though I might want to.  Daughter is an adult, and she has to make her own decisions: good, bad, indifferent.  I can't do it for her.  Son is not yet an adult, and he thinks he has all the answers but he doesn't.  He worries me because he holds everything in; unlike his sister, who let pretty much everything be out in the open.  I don't know how to talk to him.  I keep trying but I'm afraid all I'm doing is making it worse.  Two steps forward, three steps back.  

My parents and some of my siblings are struggling.  Mom is having more episodes of forgetting things.  When I talked to her this morning, she was upset because she couldn't remember things.  She said she was very confused yesterday.  She had laid down to rest for awhile and when she got up, she didn't know where the bathroom was.  My dad and brother wanted her to play Yahtzee, which our family has played for years, and she couldn't remember how to play.  That scared her, and upset my dad and brother, who supposedly yelled at her, which upset her even more.  Then she admitted that she realized today that she had doubled up on some of her medicines. That could explain it -- or not.  She was supposed to have gone to the doctor last week for a checkup.  She didn't remember if she had gone or not, until my dad confirmed that they had both gone.  The doctor was supposed to review her meds with her and may or may not have done it.  I need to go spend some time with her, figure out what meds she has and should be taking or not, and then call the doctors office and see if they will discuss it with me.  I also need to have her put me on her accounts legally so I can help her pay bills and do what she wants done, in case she is unable to do it herself.  It's a scary thought, but she is getting older and we need to resolve some of these things while she is in her right mind.  

My youngest brother is on a feeling sorry for himself kick again.  I know he needs someone to talk to but I don't know that I'm the right person. He's had some health issues, which have created problems at his work.  He's very down, which I understand, but at the same time he's made decisions which have contributed to putting him in the position he's in.  I'm not a counselor.  I'm not totally on his side. I do think he could do things differently, and I told him that.  But I do believe he is trying to make changes for the better.  He just needs to quit worrying about what everybody else thinks and just do it.

I feel frustrated by the situations.  I want to fix things for people but I can't.  I wish sometimes that I didn't care, but I do, and they know I do.  I think that's why they feel comfortable unloading and venting to me.  We all need to vent to someone, so I try to listen.  I'm just not sure I can help them all. 

If I could have one super-power, I think it would be to accurately fix problems for people...the world would be a happier place if people were happier with their lives.

Happy Father's Day!

This week has been a good week, in a lot of ways.  

Daughter sent me an email on Friday morning (it was in texting lingo so I filled in the blanks):  I know this is kinda weird. but I am weird and think about things like this...did you ever figure that when I moved out we would talk as much as we do or see each other as much...I gave you so much crap about talking to Grandma all the time and going over there alot-never realizing I would be so thankful that you got texting LOL ... (boyfriends) mom texts him and I'm annoyed when I'm over here telling you everything.  LOL its because I have an awesome mom...

Made. My. Day.  :) There was a time when I thought she and I might never talk again.  We went through stretches that were probably more painful for me than for her, even though I'm sure she didn't think so at the time.  It's just nice to know she get's it now.  I wasn't such a bad mother, after all.

Today she and boyfriend came over and we got to meet the new pet:  a hedgehog.  He's cute but definitely not a critter to cuddle with!

Yesterday we visited my father-in-law.  It was a really good day, compared to recent visits. He has a new roommate.  They were both sleeping when we arrived.  The roomie heard us talking to my father-in-law and decided to get up.  He didn't have any pants on!  I went and got the nurse and she got him dressed.  That was awkward.  

The weather was nice so we took him out into the courtyard area and sat on the bench, talking and watching the bunny they have in there.  It wasn't a normal conversation by any means, but he was alert and trying to talk with us.  We just had to listen carefully and be patient.  He struggles to put words together but was able to say enough at a time that we understood him.  We actually stayed for almost two hours, and the time was enjoyable rather than a strain.  

Afterwards we visited my mother-in-law and helped her do a few things around the house.  On our way home, we stopped at the house she has in town to clear out a few more things.  We discovered an old school desk complete with swivel seat, an electric stencil machine, an old wooden trunk-like box, and some other things.  We love the old stuff - reflections of simpler times.

Today is Father's Day - I spent the day relaxing with Hubby, and called my dad to tell him Happy Father's Day.  I'm grateful for all he taught me, for having him as a father.  I'm also grateful to have a wonderful hubby who has been a wonderful father to our kids.  Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there!

Enjoying Nice Weather

I feel better about life in general than I did a week ago.  I came to grips with some of the things that were stressing me out, and I feel more confident in my ability to cope.  It helps that a couple of the things that were stressing me have been dealt with.

The weather has been more summer-like, and I've tried to get out to enjoy it whenever I can.  During the week, that means walking at lunch (which is good for my sanity!) and then hubby and I walk again after dinner.  I've also been out with my camera, enjoying the critters and the flowers.

Daughter raced Friday night but I had to send hubby to watch alone.  I was working a golf-outing fundraiser, and Son was with me.  I hate missing any of my kids' events, and I always worry they will get hurt.  Luckily, Daughter had a safe night even though her car wasn't running great.

Daughter also got a new pet - a cute little hedgehog.  She named him Hoosier.

After stressing over work-related things this week, I took some time for me yesterday.  There are a million and one things I needed to be doing, but I decided my sanity should come first.  I attended my local writers group meeting, watched the Preakness, and then went scrapbooking with a friend.  By the time I got home at 12:30 AM, I was exhausted, but in a good way.

Today was supposed to be another race day, but the track cancelled early due to the threat of rain.  I spent the day working on some of those "million and one" things that needed done, and feel pretty good about the progress I made.  I spent the day sorting and pitching things, cleaned out a closet, and did laundry.  All-in-all, it was a good weekend.

I've been a bad daughter and haven't checked on my parents this week, other than calling my mom on her birthday.  I need to go visit them soon.  We are planning to visit hubby's dad next weekend, to check on him.  I know we need to do it, but I dread it at the same time.  It's so depressing seeing how much worse he is now.

My thoughts and prayers go out to a good friend whose son is leaving for boot camp this weekend.  Be proud, and stay strong!

Here's hoping that everyone is enjoying the nicer weather!

Is it Summer Yet? I Need to Relax!

Not that I'm wishing the year - or my life - away, but I am so glad May is over!  It was just a crazy-busy month all the way around.

This last week was a rough one.  I'm feeling so much pressure to get so many things done, and being as busy as we have been, I haven't felt like I've had any down-time, even on the weekends.  I've been behind at work and this week it caught up with me.  I had a major meltdown.  I normally feel pretty good about my ability to roll with the punches, but this time I didn't do so well.  I'm not a quitter, but if I'd been given the opportunity to retire - at that moment I would have done it with no hesitation whatsoever. I can't remember the last time I was that down on myself.  I don't care to repeat the experience anytime soon.

To top off the week, Son turned 17.  So hard to believe that he'll be a senior this fall and graduate in less than a year.  Seems like only yesterday he was my little buddy, and now he's just embarrassed to be seen anywhere with his parents.  I know that's normal, though, so I'm ok with it.  He went to a dinner and a movie with Daughter and her boyfriend and from what little they told me, they had fun.

Today, we had Hubby's siblings over to divvy up the two van-loads of belongings we got from Step-Mother-in-Law.  Hubby counted around 275 items, which he had laid out and spread around our garage where everyone could see them.  Many of the items had belonged to his grandfather or great-grandfather, and handed down to his dad.  They each drew a card to determine which order they picked in, and then we went down the list and back up, over and over again until all the items were gone. It took them about 2 hours to go through it all.  I was expecting some arguments, but thankfully they didn't happen. I think Hubby and I were both relieved when it was over and everybody went home.

Tomorrow is my Mom's 73rd birthday.  These days, I think because I've been so stressed out, I'm really feeling my age, and worrying more about my parents.  Mom is finally improving after her second back surgery, and she's getting around much better now, for which I am thankful.  Dad is getting along well, too.  I guess I'm just feeling my age.

Hopefully June will bring with it some nicer weather and a chance to kick back and relax!

Thank You Service Men and Women

We made a trip south on Saturday to visit my father-in-law.  It's becoming harder and harder to visit, and yet we don't want to stop going.  I talked with the nurse there and she told me he's on the highest dose of a behavioral medicine they can give.  What we want to know is why?  Five months ago, he was riding his bike probably 10 miles every day.  Now he can barely hold his head up, he shuffles slowly along, and he struggles to talk to us.  We know for the first couple months he was combative at times, and then they sent him off to another facility for a week. Since he's been back from there, though, he's gone steadily down hill.  And his wife lied to us about it.  She flat out told us that the only medicine he was on was thyroid medicine.  We have a hard time believing anything she tells us, and an even harder time being nice to her when we know she's lying to us.  

We have visited step-mother-in-law a couple times in the past month or so, and she has given us a lot of stuff that belonged to my father-in-law, his father and his grandfather.  Hubby has sorted through everything and this coming weekend, he has invited the siblings to come over so they can divvy up everything.  I suspect this could be an emotional day for them.  Hubby will be glad when it's over, but feels he is doing the right thing.  

After visiting my father-in-law, we visited my mother-in-law. She is doing relatively well, all things considered.  The trouble-maker has not been back to visit, although we half-expected to see him this weekend.  He should by now have received a letter from the lawyer notifying him that he has until September 1 to remove the vehicles he's dumped in the woods behind her house. They've been there for years, and his dad tried unsuccessfully to get him to remove them before he passed away.  Now, his time has about run out.  He can remove them, or lose his rights to them and she will have them removed.  We're concerned that things could get ugly over the summer.

Today we visited my mom and dad.  Mom is recuperating slowly from her second back surgery but she was moving around a lot better than the last time I saw her.  She is taking physical therapy, and in time I know that will really help her.  Dad was in a good mood, but we did talk about him having a couple of episodes where he has been really confused and upset about it.  I can't decide if he's pretending, or if he really is confused.  

Daughter survived the weekend without killing her boyfriend.  They talked (again) and he asked her not to bottle everything up, which she is guilty of doing. So she told me they are trying. So he accompanied her to the race track Friday night.  She didn't do as well there as she has done at the other track. Another car did a slide job on her coming out of turn 4, but she kept her foot in the gas and he ended up in the wall. He shouldn't have been where he was - I have video - but he was angry at her, and charged her pit afterwards.  We heard that he ended up at the hospital with a broken hand, but that has not been confirmed.  Daughter also ended up with a hand injury - her hand got caught in the steering wheel when he hit her the second time, and may have broken her knuckle.  It's still swollen so it's hard to tell right now.  He also caused a couple hundred dollars worth of damage to her car.  Luckily she isn't planning to race again for a couple of weeks.  Hopefully her hand - and her car - will be better by then!

Today, most importantly, we would like to thank those who have served our country fighting for our freedoms.  Thank you to all service men and women.  You are appreciated!

Memorial Day Already?

I can't believe another week has flown by and it's almost the weekend again. And it will be a long weekend -- in more ways than one!

Last weekend, we headed to the track on Friday night to watch Daughter race. I'm beginning to think Mother Nature does not want her to race at that track!  Once again, it was rained out - and I think it was the only place around that got rain!  A mile out of town on the way home, it was dry.  We're going to try again tomorrow, and for once, there is NO rain in the forecast.  Hopefully it will be a good night, but it's not going to be as warm as I would like.

Saturday we went to the other mother-in-law's to get more of my father-in-law's stuff.  We brought home another van full of stuff.  Hubby has been through everything now, sorting it out.  One day soon, we will have all the siblings over to take turns picking what they would like to have.  It promises to be a long day when it happens.  There is quite a bit of stuff, and we know there will be some arguments over who should get what.  Not looking forward to that, but it is necessary.

Sunday we went east to the other track Daughter to watch her race.  It was a gorgeous day!  She looked better than she did the last time out, and made the feature due to earning passing points in her heat race.  She started 14th, finished 17th, but overall it was a good race for her.  Because she started the feature, she earned money, which is always a good thing!  Even better, there were only three classes of cars that night, so we were done by 9:30 PM!  It was still nice out - we were all in our t-shirts and shorts.  And I was very happy to be home by 10 PM on a Sunday night.  I just wish that track would get us out of there that early every Sunday that they have a race...

This week at work has been a bear.  It has been a week of Mondays, again.  I sure hope it's Friday tomorrow!  I'm stressed, I'm behind, and I don't know if I will ever catch up completely.  I'm bummed that my officemate is going to retire soon, and I'm hoping we can find a suitable replacement for her.  If only I could retire too... **sigh**

Spent Monday night at the ER with Son and Daughter.  Daughter has been fighting the head cold, coughing, congestion bug.  Just generally not feeling well at all.  They gave her cough meds and suggested allergy meds to help with congestion.  She is finally today feeling some better on that front.  But on the boyfriend front, not so much.  Tonight she told me that she's done.  She wants out.  I asked her if she could hold on a couple more days.  I pointed out that if it all blows up tonight, she'll be worthless trying to race tomorrow.  She told me that's why I'm her mom and why she loves me... Because I know what matter - and that's racing!  LOL  Glad she can keep her sense of humor in the face of a failing relationship.  And I feel really bad for her because I know she loves him, but his negativity is really dragging her down and she is just not happy.  It's not worth the stress for her.  The coming days and weeks could be really difficult for her, and I pray that she can be strong and get through it.

Son was having strange pains in his chest when he ate or drank anything - like it was all getting stuck in his chest.  The doctor wanted him to have follow-up tests but we put them off since this week was finals at school, and she said it wasn't anything serious.  I googled his symptoms and came up with esophageal spasms, related to acid reflux.  Over the past couple days that has greatly improved, but now he seems to have the head cold that his sister had.  Good thing I had a stock of Puffs!  Only one more day of finals and then he said he will take some medicine.  Hopefully we can get him on the mend soon, without infecting hubby or me!

Tomorrow is Friday and I'm so ready for the weekend.  We plan to visit my father-in-law at the nursing home and then visit hubby's mom, too.  That will be a long day.  But then the rest of the weekend should be mine!  I'm looking forward to doing some things I WANT to do, instead of just things I HAVE to do.

And also this weekend, I plan to make time to appreciate those who gave their lives in order that we have the freedoms that we enjoy.  I hope you will too!

Happy Mother's Day!

Another busy week has flown by.  I need more hours in my day!

Mom's surgery went well, we hope.  The doctor was very nice, and made sure we all knew that mom shouldn't be charged anything for this second surgery.  He is taking care of it.  He indicated it was obvious on the MRI she had that one section of vertebrae was still pinching a nerve in her back.  This surgery lasted a little longer than the first, but he told us they took several x-rays to be sure they got it all this time.  I pray they did.  She only stayed one night in the hospital.  We visited her today and she seemed to be doing better.  She's moving slowly but the pain in her leg seems to be much less than it was.  She's afraid to hope for a full recovery, in case she has more problems.  I'm trying to be optimistic that she will only improve from here on out.  I think sometimes she expects to heal as if she were still 20.  But it's going to take time.

My mother-in-law was on the receiving end of another unfriendly call from the trouble-maker.  He was still aggravated that he didn't feel welcome in his father's house the day we had Easter dinner with her. On top of that, he was angry that all of us didn't jump up and fall all over him about how "cute" his grandson is.  He actually told her that!  I am thankful my mother-in-law is a smart, strong woman, but I do worry that he is trying to wear her down.  I think she is lonely, too, and I worry about her being there alone. 

Tomorrow is Mother's Day - a day to celebrate all the moms out there!  I'm so thankful my mom and I are close, even if she does drive me crazy at times.  That's normal, isn't it?  I'm sure my daughter would say that I drive her crazy at times, too.  Anyway... to all the moms out there, may you have a day of sunshine and be surrounded with family and friends who love you!

Happy Mother's Day!!!

April Showers Bring... May Showers?

May is starting off a lot like April -- with rain.  I hope, for several reasons, that the rest of May goes better than the first four days have!

It's been a stressful week at work.  I sort of had words with someone who annoys me.  I wasn't mean, but I was honest, and I won't apologize for that.  We all make mistakes - we're human.  I have no respect for people who never admit to their own mistakes but instead always blame others.

Mom met with the surgeon again after having a follow-up MRI last week.  She has to have her back surgery redone.  I'm not quite sure what happened, as the explanation I heard was confusing.  Either he didn't finish (didn't do both vertebrae) or he didn't get it all cleaned out.  The surgeon is not going to charge her for his portion of the redo, which says to me that he made a mistake.  Now we are concerned - mostly for mom having to go back under the knife, but also what it will cost her.  I'm sure the hospital is not going to comp her surgery and recovery, but she shouldn't have to pay when the doctor was at fault.

We visited my father-in-law today.  It's been about a month since we saw him last.  He was napping in his chair when we arrived, and we stayed a little over an hour.  He was obviously drugged up.  We tried talking with him and it was obvious he was struggling to put words together.  Most of the time we were there, though, he napped.  It's disappointing and very sad that he has gotten this much worse in four short months.  Before he was put in the nursing home, he could hold a conversation - even if he did repeat things, and he was biking several miles a day.  Now he can't hold a conversation - he can hardly put his thoughts together in a sentence, and he shuffles slowly down the hall.  Whether this was just a bad day, or if it is his new normal, we don't know.  But it's still very sad.

When we left the nursing home, we went to visit my mother-in-law.  She's doing well, all things considered.  We helped her do some things around the house.  The trouble-maker had been there again today, but he did call last night to see if she would be home.  Thankfully, he didn't stay long and was gone before we arrived. 

On a good note, daughter took the race car to the junior college for two days this week.  One of her former automotive teachers had invited her to be a part of "Females in the Automotive Industry", which was part of a program they host each year where high school students visit and get the chance to explore potential career fields.  The students enjoyed sitting in the car and checking it out.  She got a kick out of a couple young men who tried to get her phone number when the obtained her autograph. The VP of the junior college also talked with her about potential teaching opportunities there.  Overall, it was a great experience for her!

I'm glad we still have tomorrow to relax a little.  I could use a little downtime to regroup!

When It Rains, It Pours

This has been a wet April, in more ways than one!

Mom is not recovering from her back surgery as easily or as quickly as she had hoped.  She made it through one day of water therapy before deciding it wasn't for her.  After doing no therapy for the next  ten days, she started hurting really bad again.  Her leg hurt worse than it did before she had her back surgery.  Last week, she had an MRI to be sure nothing was wrong.  The MRI showed that she had a lot of inflammation in her leg, but nothing else noticeable.  However, the doctor was out of town all week so she will meet with him tomorrow and hopefully he will have some answers for her.  I know she's not as young as she used to be (who is?), but I hope she isn't destined to be in pain like this the rest of her life.

We haven't been back to see my father-in-law or his wife, but are planning to visit him this coming weekend.  Word is that they have him pretty drugged up, which is not what any of us like to see.  We also need to go back to his wife's house and collect the rest of the things she is willing to give us.  We've sorted out all the boxes and things we brought home last time.  Suffice it to say that sorting everything out was very interesting.  

Yesterday we visited my mother-in-law.  She is doing pretty well, all things considered.  She's lost a little weight, which is not surprising, and she was in good spirits to have us all there for a belated Easter dinner.  Some of the family went out in the drizzle to hunt for mushrooms.  They came back with a few, which we left for my mother-in-law.  Just as we were sitting down to eat, a car pulled in the drive.  It was one the trouble-making son from the other side of the family.  He had his wife and small grandson with him.  Once again, he hadn't bothered to call my mother-in-law before he came out, even though she has asked (and told) him repeatedly to call first.  They came into the house and most of us ignored them.  My mother-in-law reminded him right off the bat that he hadn't called first. His excuse was "Well, that's hard for me to do."  Only because he's rude and thinks the world revolves around him!  I heard her tell him twice in the few minutes they were there that he should call first because she might have company like yesterday, or she might not be home at all. I doubt he will ever call first.  

Hubby said she called this morning to let him know the trouble-making son had called her at 9:30 last night, complaining that he didn't feel welcome "in my dad's home."  She told him again that he should have called first, and then maybe he wouldn't have felt that way.  Then he asked if she liked his little grandson (who is 2), and she replied "He was ok, but he's spoiled."  Trouble-maker didn't disagree - in fact he told her that his daughter might be taking him back soon (he has been raising the boy since he was born the day after his daughter turned 16) so he planned to spoil him as much as he could.  I'm here to tell you, he isn't spoiling him in a good way.  Poor kid.  

Later this week, we are supposed to get another 2" of rain.  Roads may well be flooded, just as they were two weeks ago.  Maybe the rain will wash away some of the problems...

April Showers Don't Slow Us Down!

April has been a busy month so far, and it has definitely started with April showers!

Mom is doing well after her back surgery.  She started water therapy this week and it wore her out.  She isn't having any pain in her legs, though, and that's good.  I hope she continues to improve.

We visited my father-in-law two weeks ago.  He was making an escape attempt when we arrived.  We got him back into the nursing home and at first, he seemed very drugged up.  His glasses were missing - the aids said they were broken and that his wife had taken them to get fixed.  He sat in his chair and dozed off and on for about 30 minutes.  Then he woke up and we were able to get him talking, but he was obviously agitated.  It wasn't long before he told us he had to go, and started down the hall.  We walked with him and had to get the aids to keep him from escaping again.  Finally, we left because we felt we were making his agitation worse.  It was a tough visit. 

Then we drove out to hubby's mom's house to check on her.  She wasn't feeling well - she was pretty stressed out over visits that week from her husband's boys.  One is being polite and nice, the other not so much. I was happy that none of them showed up while we were there.  We didn't stay a long time.

The next day, we visited hubby's dad's wife (I need to come up with different names for them!) -- she had decided she was going to pitch anything she considered junk, and sell everything else because she says she needs the money.  She figures my father-in-law will never be back home, so it's time for his things to go.  Hubby was afraid to go there alone - he knew he would say things he would later regret. So we spent a couple hours there, cleaning out the garage with her.  We came home with a van full of old tools, equipment, books and junk, including 4 garbage bags of papers.  We also brought home an heirloom that is to be handed down through hubby's family, and I'm concerned it will cause world war three for the family.  My father-in-law started to hand it down to my son a few years ago, and hubby's brothers threw a fit so he held on to it.  They had a different understanding of how it was to be handed down. My mother-in-law indicated that its was his wish for it to go to our son.  So it's with us for now, and hopefully will stay with us.  But hubby is going to have a fight on his hands with one of his brothers when he finds out.  His brother has a young son (under 10) and firmly believes it should be his. His feelings are so strong on the matter that when we visited he and his girlfriend in the hospital when his son was born, the FIRST thing he said to us was "Now that stein comes to my son."  Wow.  

Daughter has been busy getting her race car ready for the season.  Friday night was supposed to be her first race, but Mother Nature didn't cooperate and it was rained out.  Today was practice at another local track - her first time driving there.  She didn't do bad but was frustrated because she felt the car wasn't running as well as it should be.  She's hoping to get in two races this coming weekend, but according to forecasts, Mother Nature doesn't look like she plans to cooperate.  I know she's anxious to be out there, but as long as the weather is cool, I don't mind not having to go.  

So life continues to be interesting and busy for the referee. I'm looking forward to the weather getting nicer so hubby and I can visit our local parks, do some hiking, some picture-taking and mostly just relax.  

Marching into April

We survived Phil's weather forecast.  We ended up with approximately 11 inches of snow.  Yes, it was pretty - before it got dirty and tracked through.  Monday was a forced snow day - schools were closed, and our street hadn't been plowed so even if I made it out of the driveway, I wouldn't have made it down the street.  I stayed home.  

Tuesday was mom's back surgery.  She came through it well, according to the doctor.  This sounds disgusting but he had to drill out part of the bone in the vertebrae that were pinching her nerve.  She stayed in the hospital until Thursday afternoon.  Now she is home and sounding stronger every day.  But, she does have a long way to go.  Thanks for all the positive thoughts and prayers!

Daughter is frustrated with the boyfriend, who is struggling with some issues of his own.  But he seems unable to resist taking out his frustrations by cussing and yelling at her.  He can be very negative at times.  She's fast losing her patience with him, and if he continues as he has been, his time in her life may be short-lived.  I like him, except for how he puts her down.  I just listen when she vents and encourage her to be strong.  Only she knows when enough is enough, and when that time comes, she'll be done.  I pray for her to have the strength to do what she has to do. 

Son is on spring break.  If he had his way, he'd be on permanent spring break!  He wants to make a living playing Xbox and making YouTube videos.  More power to him if he can do it!  But in the mean time, mean mom that I am, I make him go to school.  And I can't help but shake my head and laugh when he yells at the game.  I should record him sometime and play it back.  I don't think he has any clue what he sounds like!

Tomorrow we are supposed to check on my father-in-law in the nursing home, and my recently widowed mother-in-law at her home.  Word is that my father-in-law has been medicated more than he should be, but they are changing his meds, so we are hoping he will be better than earlier in the week when my sister-in-law visited him.  He was so doped up that even he admitted that he didn't know what he was saying!

As for my mother-in-law, the issues we were dreading are starting already.  Her late husband's kids are already showing up, trying to take things.  Two of the sons showed up last weekend.  When the oldest went outside, the other one told her that he was his dad's favorite son so he could and would take anything he wanted.  He doesn't seem to get that some of the stuff he wants to take did not belong to his father!  Today, that same son and a friend showed up unexpectedly at my mother-in-law's house and starting taking stuff.  Scared her to death.  Luckily, my brother-in-law apparently showed up shortly after that and is looking out for his mom.  Hubby and I are afraid his mom is going to have to get a restraining order against the kids (these are adults!), which will only make things uglier.  But we can't have them making threats to her all the time.  So if we go visit tomorrow, we will be discussing options with her.  Why do people have to be so nasty?

Watch out for fools on Monday!  Hopefully April has better things in store for us than March did!

Phil Was Wrong

Phil was wrong.  So very wrong.

Mother Nature dumped about 11 inches of snow on us over the past two days.  I must admit, it can be very pretty – until people get out in it and mess it up.  But I’m ready for spring, so I hope it doesn’t last too long!

My mother-in-law is doing as well as can be expected.  We’ve talked to her a couple times this week.  I think she sounds lonely, but she also sounds strong.  I know she can get through this.  So far, things seem to be quiet on the enemy front.  I hope it stays that way.

Daughter is learning the hard way that men can be frustrating.  She thinks her boyfriend should be more mature than he is.  She doesn’t get the fun, foolish stuff guys do with their friends.  I’ve tried to help her understand that in spite of how she feels about those things, she can’t take it away from him because it’s part of who he is.  She has to decide if she can accept that or not.  On the other side, her boyfriend is already tired of racing...and it hasn’t even started.  In my opinion, he’s jealous – or maybe feels threatened – by her racing.  He gets very frustrated with all the time she spends on the car. Hubby and I are afraid that will be the death of their relationship.  We just don’t think he can handle her passion for racing.

Tomorrow my mom is having back surgery.  Several of her vertebrae are pinching the nerve, and the doctor is going to go in and scrape out the vertebrae.  Sounds horribly painful.  He told her the pain she’s been dealing with since the first of the year should be gone almost immediately, which is good. But I’ve heard anytime they scrape the bone, it’s very painful.  I don’t know if he told her that or not.  She will probably spend 1-2 days in the hospital.  Hopefully everything goes well.

And maybe, if we’re lucky, the snow will start melting...

Life Adjustment

Services for my other father-in-law were this week.  He gave up his fight on Monday, and by Thursday was laid to rest.  The services were a celebration of life, and we heard many stories about things he had done, lives he had touched.  He was an amazing man, and I'm glad he is not suffering any longer.

My mother-in-law will have a tough time of it for awhile.  They'd been married almost 23 years. We are all concerned about her being alone out in the country.  We are concerned about how desperate his kids will become when they finally figure out that he left everything to her, and that at least for the time being, they get nothing.  My mother-in-law has every intention of leaving them most of the land when she passes on, but they don't care about that.  They want it now, and they want her out of the house and off the land. The oldest son has gone so far - even before his father passed on - to call the county zoning board. He wanted to find out if their house - rebuilt by contractors after the fire burned the first house down - was up to code. As of the visitation, there was talk that they don't believe there is a will (there is) and if there is one, they think it was forged.

At the luncheon following graveside services, our family sat together.  His five kids each took a place away from the others. It was one of the strangest things I've ever seen.  They barely talked to each other. I also found out my mother-in-law tried to help the youngest daughter, who has no money, by paying for her hotel room.  The daughter, true to past form, couldn't just accept that and be happy.  She told the others that my mother-in-law was also paying for their rooms!  My mother-in-law quickly nipped that in the bud - she was not paying for all of them. She was only trying to help one who had no money, and apparently it was seen as another opportunity to take advantage.  The others can afford their own hotel rooms.

Each of the five kids acted as if they really cared about my mother-in-law, but their previous behavior indicates they are only out for themselves.  I just hope my mother-in-law has a good lawyer, because I'm afraid she's going to need one. We don't expect it to take long for the greed to overcome any goodwill they may feel toward her.  My thoughts and prayers are with her as she adjusts to a different lifestyle.

Thoughts and prayers also go out to extended family and friends I worry about. 

Another Stressful Week

It's been a stressful week.

Instead of spending quality time with their father during the last week of his life, my other father-in-law's kids spent the week plotting how they can get my mother-in-law out of her house.  The oldest on even went so far as to call the local zoning board to find out what the housing codes are.  He didn't think the house was up to code.  This is the house contractors built after the house they were building themselves burnt to the ground a few years ago.  Some people really take the cake. 

His kids made it plain they really didn't care about their father -- they were only worried about what they would get once he's gone. They'll soon find out.  He passed away today.  He left everything to my mother-in-law.  Instead of allowing her to grieve in peace, they're forcing her to be on her toes, wary of any stunt they might pull.  Greed does strange things to people. The sad part is that my other father-in-law suspected his kids would behave this way.

Although the next few days will be difficult for all of us, I try to remember that my other father-in-law was 85 years old.  He'd lived a full life, and he was ready to go home to his Lord. I wish him peace.

We visited my father-in-law yesterday. They have him on twice a day meds that seem to be helping, depending how you look at it. It's obvious he is being controlled by medicine - he was very calm and surprisingly coherent, for a change. It was nice not to argue with him over his not being able to leave, and we didn't have to worry about him trying to escape. Still, I hate to see him doped up that way.

My thoughts and prayers continue to be with several friends this week.

Waiting and Praying

My thoughts and prayers are with my other father-in-law this week. He's had a rough time this past year, and  I think he's just had enough. He doesn't want to do radiation treatments, and he doesn't want to do dialysis but so far is continuing with it.  But my mother-in-law informed us that they are calling hospice in this weekend. It's so hard because you want your loved ones to keep fighting, but at some point, you have to admit that their quality of life is not what it should be. You have to let them go. My father-in-law is a retired minister, and he is ready to go home and be with his Lord. So now we wait.

My father-in-law came back from the behavioral center to the nursing home this week. We haven't been to visit yet, but hubby's sister told us he is depressed. We suspect they have him doped up to keep him calm, and that bothers us. We don't want him hurting himself or anyone else, but we don't want him to have to be sedated all the time either. That just makes him more depressed and he spends his time crying. It's really hard to visit when he's like that. Apparently his wife also told my sister-in-law that she might sell their house and move to the town where the nursing home is, since he will never come home. Scary thought to have her in the same town as my mother-in-law and sister-in-law! She hates my mother-in-law, in fact - she feels threatened by her. She thinks my mother-in-law wants her ex-husband back. She doesn't. She's got her hands full with her own husband, thank you very much. Hubby and I just don't know what to think.

Things are going well for my daughter as she prepares for race season. Just this week she gained another big sponsor, and next week her race car will be on display at their grand opening in a nearby town. She's very excited, and I am excited for her. Her car looks good! Now, I just hope she learned enough last year to go out on the track and be more competitive. While staying safe, of course!  The seasons starts in about a month.

We're hoping to visit my parents in the next few days. My mom continues to be in severe pain with her back. Dad seems to be holding up fairly well. I guess I'll find out more when we visit.

My thoughts and prayers are also with several friends who are going through difficult times. One of them feels as if he has exhausted his prayer options - he, in particular, needs strength from God. Please keep those in need in your prayers as well.  Thank you.

Our Messed Up Week

My father-in-law’s week went downhill after we visited him a week ago.  On Monday night, they carted him off to a behavioral facility.  We learned that the doctor had changed his medicines on the Friday before we visited.  He had karate-chopped the arm of one of the male nurses, and been acting aggressively toward the nurses aides.  Although we didn’t feel threatened by him, it was plain to see he was aggravated.  The behavioral facility didn’t want him to have any visitors, and they only allowed him to take one of his blankets with him.  They planned to keep him for 1-2 weeks.  We found out today that he is supposed to be returned to the nursing home tomorrow.  We are hopeful that he will not be too doped up and that his meds are balanced, helping him be less combative.

My other father-in-law is doing well with his at home peritoneal dialysis.  We also learned that he would be released from the hospital today – we didn’t know he was IN the hospital.  Apparently his blood thinners caused excessive bleeding and they were trying to get that under control.  Hopefully they won’t have any more issues with bleeding.  The poor guy was supposed to start radiation treatments today for prostate cancer.  I guess that may be postponed for a couple days.

We also made a quick trip across the state for a memorial service for hubby's uncle, who married us almost 23 years ago. While there, we found out he had fallen off the couch and hit his head. Being a man, he didn't want to go to the hospital to get checked out.  The family took him in the next day though, and the doctors think he may have had a stroke. The family is struggling financially.  Hubby's aunt is in the early stages of Alzheimer's, and from what we heard, one of the grandsons has been taking advantage of his grandparents.

On a good note, our trip across the state allowed us to visit briefly with my sister and her family, and to attend my nephew's 10th birthday party.  We weren't able to stay a long time, but it was nice to see them and to visit for awhile.

At home, we have been increasingly frustrated with our internet service.  After speaking with the tech tonight, I hope our problems will be solved in the next day or so.  He believes our outside equipment is at fault -- apparently whoever installed our equipment put up a radio too strong for our location. He told me the equipment we have is for someone who lives more than 3 miles from the access point.  I live less than 1 mile from the access point.  Shouldn't they have figured this out before now?  We've had problems off and on and I've had them out here at least twice before... Well, anyway, I hope this resolves our issues!

Escape from ... Everything?

Today’s hour and a half visit to the nursing home seemed more like an eternity.  The first half hour, my father-in-law was pretty good.  He was watching Nascar qualifying and invited us into his room to watch with him.  He was excited that Danica Patrick had qualified fastest (so far) and was on the pole for the Daytona 500.  Things deteriorated quickly after that. He apologized to us but said he had to get home because someone was coming by the house. When he couldn’t find his jacket or gloves, he put on another long-sleeved shirt and headed out the door.  I went and walked with him, and he took me to the end of the hall, away from where the nurses are.  There is an emergency door there.  He looked like he wanted to go out but I told him we couldn’t get out that way, and after thinking about it for a few seconds, he turned away and walked back to his room with me.

We tried to get him interested in qualifying again but he was having none of it.  He got his computer out but the wireless mouse is missing the wireless piece and would not work.  I tried to show him how to work it without the wireless mouse, but he unplugged the computer and put it away. He told me “they” don’t want him to have the computer. When I asked him who didn’t want him to have it, he said “There are bad people here.”  I didn’t know what to say to that.

A short time later, he headed down the hall again.  My husband went with him this time, thank God.  The male nurse also followed them.  When they stopped at the door, the nurse said “How are you today?”  My father-in-law glanced at him, then shoved his hands against the push bar, lowered his shoulder and shoved against the door.  It took both the nurse and my husband to pull the door shut before he could get out. He’s still physically pretty strong. Before he gave up, he made a fist and started to try to hit the nurses arm, obviously hoping to dislodge his hold on the door.  But he never hit him. My husband put his arm around my father-in-law and turned him away from the door.  It was pretty obvious my father-in-law was furious that he had been thwarted, but he came back to his room – for a few minutes.  Then he went out and sat in a chair watching out the windows where he can see the parking lot.  A couple minutes later, he moved to a different chair, closer to the windows.  My husband went to try to talk to him, but he seemed completely confused.  We decided it would be best to leave before he got any more agitated. This was the most difficult visit we’ve had.

When we left the nursing home, we went to my other in-laws house.  Hubby’s mom had company - my other father-in-law’s daughter and her kids, whom we have never met before.  My father-in-law wasn’t feeling well, so he went to rest.  He’s exhausted from undergoing dialysis.  I had a gut feeling that I shouldn’t leave my purse, so I stayed in the room with them when my mother-in-law and hubby went to look at some things in the back room.  Shortly after that, they left – or at least acted like they were leaving.  A few minutes after they went outside, I saw his daughter and her son head into the woods behind the house.  It seemed kind of strange to me.  Ten minutes or so later, they came back and went to their car, which was parked by the garage, but they didn’t get in.  I stayed by the window, watching.  When they did get in the car, the grandson had a sign he had obviously taken out of the garage.  I told my mother-in-law and she said she wasn’t surprised – he’s always stealing things!  The sign was small, and probably not worth much money, but still.  I was appalled!  Immediately, I went to my purse and checked to be sure nothing was missing.

My mother-in-law proceeded to tell us how the daughter had been homeless for a time.  The grandson has a history of stealing things, and at one point when he was younger, he tried to hurt my mother-in-law.  She’s a better person than I am, because I’m not sure I could have welcomed him into my home after that. The two daughters are apparently trying to get their lives in order, but they haven’t exactly had good role models.  I hope they can succeed.

Hubby and I left for home a couple hours later.   Dealing with his dad was draining.  He’s obviously getting worse, and that is really hard to watch.  And then seeing my other father-in-law’s grandson steal something... I’m sure knowing his grandson is a thief is really hard for my father-in-law.  He’s one of the nicest and most honest, hardworking people I know.

It’s been a long day.  I hope our next visit is less eventful.

Irons in the Fire

This week didn't seem as bad as last week, but it was not exactly uneventful.

Hubby's mom's husband (my other father-in-law) was in the hospital with a blood clot in his leg. He already undergoes dialysis every few days and has been in a lot of pain. They brought him to town because of the blood clot.  The hospital put him in a room with another guy who was "very contagious". My mother and father-in-law had to wear masks while in the room with him.  I don't quite understand why they put another patient in with someone who is THAT contagious with something. After a day, they did move the other guy out and disinfected the room. But I still thought that was very strange. Luckily, though, my father-in-law was released today to go home.  

My mom met with the surgeon this week and he does recommend back surgery to clean out the discs that are pinching a nerve. He wants to do the surgery soon. He told her there are three discs involved. He believes cleaning out around them will alleviate her pain almost immediately. She has also been very shaky lately, and I was concerned about Parkinson's but he thinks the shaking could be caused by this pinched nerve.  I hope he is right. Mom is not looking forward to yet another surgery. I pray that this will be the last one she needs!

Daughter has been stressing a lot lately. She's trying to get her race car ready for the season. She's looking for sponsors and so far has a few. I hope she is able to find a few more who can contribute financially in exchange for having their name run around a track. On top of that, her landlord notified her that the house she is renting will be going up for sale. Daughter was really upset by that - she likes where she is and had planned to stay there long-term. Now, she doesn't know what will happen.  I'm hoping any new landlord will not increase the rent and will let her stay there since she is happy there. 

As usual, I have too many irons in the fire.  Work has been super busy, but then it is that time of year. In addition to family responsibilities, my writing commitments have increased. This is a good thing, but also stressful for me. But, being a writer is my dream goal. I won't complain!

And to my good friend who reads this faithfully, I'm praying for you and your family. You know where to find me if you need me. 

Ready for Spring!

Nothing against Mondays, but one of them each week is enough!

Usually when we have a short work week, it seems as if each day is a Monday.  I’ve come to expect that.  But when a regular work week has more than one Monday, sometimes it’s just too much.  And this week, I had two Mondays in a row, followed by a Thursday that I was convinced was Friday.  It was a long week.

My sister-in-law got into with my mother-in-law.  They’ve never liked each other, and neither one is able to just let things go. They both have to stir the pot whenever they can.  Don’t get me wrong - I love my sister-in-law, but she’s got to learn that she can’t always be in control.

But I understand her frustration.  She stopped by the nursing home on Monday, and found out they had put my father-in-law on suicide watch.  The nurse revealed that my mother-in-law did not want the nursing home to tell the kids anything about my father-in-law’s condition, other than he had a good day or he had a bad day.  That set my sister-in-law off, and I’m on her side this time.  That is wrong on so many levels.  These are HIS kids!  They have a right to know his condition.  My mother-in-law has no right to keep it from them, just because she doesn’t get along with several of the kids. The nurse agreed that it was wrong, and indicated that she planned to talk with my mother-in-law about it.

My sister-in-law wouldn’t let it go.  She called my mother-in-law and argued with her about it. My mother-in-law let slip that she doesn’t want the kids taking him out of the nursing home because they’ll just take him to their mother’s house (she lives nearby). What that has to do with not telling the kids what condition he is in, I don’t know.  But my mother-in-law is off her rocker if she thinks my other mother-in-law wants my father-in-law back! She has her own husband to worry about, and she sure doesn’t want her ex back!

After a couple days of multiple phone calls, things settled down.  The nursing home convinced my mother-in-law to sign papers allowing my sister-in-law and my hubby to take their father out of the nursing home for up to an hour at a time.  And they are now allowed to tell the kids what his condition on but not allowed to reveal his medications or doses, things like that.  I still think that is wrong - what is she trying to hide?  Is she demanding they dope him up? If she has nothing to hide, what is she worried about?  I don’t get it.  The saga will continue, I’m sure.

Closer to home, my mom had an MRI and found out she will probably need to have back surgery.  Apparently she has a bad disc and it’s causing her pain. They don’t think it will go away without surgery.  On a high note, though, my brother was released to go back to work after being off since September.  I hope his feet are healed and that he doesn’t have any more issues.  He can’t afford to miss more work.

Today is Ground Hog Day.  Punxatawny Phil predicts an early spring.  I sure hope he’s right!

Praying for Improvements

Once again, I find myself wishing I could fix things for people I care about.  I still end up feeling frustrated by my inability to do so.

Daughter is finding that being on your own is not all fun and games.  Responsibilities weigh on your shoulders, and you have to make some tough decisions.  Health issues are not helping matters - how do you fight everything else when you don’t feel well?  I do what I can to help.  I listen to her vent and try to offer helpful suggestions when they seem appropriate.  Other times, I just listen because I know she doesn’t want my input.  It’s hard, though, because the mother in me wants to take over and solve the problems. Not that I have all the answers...I don’t.

She and her boyfriend don’t see eye-to-eye on several things. She tells me about some of their arguments, but I have tried hard to stay out of their relationship.  I encourage her when she needs encouragement, but I also point out the other side for her to consider when she’s being closed-minded.  I can’t tell her what to do but hopefully I can help her see options so she can make the right decisions for her.  Money is, not surprisingly, one of their big issues.  Give and take in a relationship is another.  With different upbringings, they are struggling to find some common ground.  I continue to pray for them to find it.

I checked in with the parental units this week.  Mom is having a lot of pain and isn’t sure what is causing it.  Possibly sciatica, but her doctor has ordered an MRI for this week to check things out. I know her pain must be bad because she usually has a pretty high pain tolerance.  My brother who lives with them had another setback.  He was about to be released to return to work when his other foot began having problems.  I’m told that it was very swollen and he couldn’t put any weight on it.  The doctor believes he has a stress fracture, possibly from overcompensating with his first foot problems.  So now he’s off work until early February.  He’s been off since September so his health issues are really creating problems for him.  I suspect they are also creating headaches for my parents.

Yesterday we visited my father-in-law again.  The first hour and a half went fairly well.  He had just turned on his computer when we arrived.  He proceeded to read to us from the journal he uses on his computer.  I believe the file he opens and reads from is probably a year or two old, but he doesn’t seem to know the difference.  We would add comments or ask him questions, but then he would go back to reading.  Finally, he started asking us about his wife - if we had seen her there.  He believes she is renting the place for them, but he also believes she is cheating on him because she doesn’t spend much time with him.  That upsets him because he says he can’t prove it.  We tried to assure him that she cares about him and that we don’t think she is having an affair, but he was having none of it.  We tried distracting him and getting him onto another subject but he was stuck on his wife.  He became agitated and tearful, and that was very hard to take.  When it was time for us to leave, he walked with us toward the door.  We told him that his kids love him and that we will be back, but not for several days.  Then he told my hubby that he might as well go hang himself. That was upsetting to hear.  Hubby told him not to think that way, and to remember that his kids love him, and that we’ll be back to see him.  As we entered the passcode to leave and went through the door, he made a beeline to follow us and Hubby had to force the door shut so his dad could not get out with us.  Watching his face through the small window on the door as we did that was heartbreaking. We felt terrible.  The nurse did get his attention right away, and he turned back toward his room.  It’s depressing to me to see how depressed he is, and it is very noticeable that being in the nursing home has taken a toll on him.  When he was at home, he had spunk. He had life in him.  Now, he seems very resigned and unhappy.  You can see it in his eyes.  It’s very upsetting to me, and once again, I feel helpless.

Feeling helpless is not a good feeling. I will be praying for improvements.