Best Laid Plans...

It’s been an eventful couple of weeks at the Referee’s household.  Last week we were running with Son’s post-season soccer games.  I’m very proud of his team for all they accomplished this year.  Unfortunately, a week ago on Saturday they lost the sectional championship game to the eventual 2nd place State team in our class.  They played their hearts out, though, and they have nothing to be ashamed of.  Congratulations team!

Throughout the last week of soccer, hubby was fighting a virus.  He ran a fever and was sick for about 4 days.  I was really worried, because he doesn’t get sick.  I can count on one hand the times he’s been sick and I’ve known him for 25 years.  He was sad to miss son’s last soccer game for this year.

This week started off better.  With two of my busiest bosses out of the country I was looking forward to catching up at work.  But ah, the best laid plans...

Hubby asked me to take Wednesday off to go hiking - it was promising to be a beautiful day and we thought it might be our last hurrah before the winter sets in.  And it was a beautiful day!  We enjoyed our hikes and saw lots of deer, some butterflies, and a turtle.  I could watch the deer all day!  Headed back home about 4 PM to take Son to town and look at a possible vehicle for him.  Three hours later, we came home with a car for him.  We’re not sure it’s the right vehicle, but we’re not sure it’s the wrong one either, if that makes any sense.  I’m hoping it turns out to be the right one, otherwise the peace in our house will be nonexistent.

Wednesday night I started having pains in my left side.  By Thursday morning, I knew something wasn’t right but I didn’t know what.  We made a trip to convenient care and I was sent home with muscle relaxers for back spasms.  The NP was convinced I had shingles - even though I had no rash, but decided to “go with” back spasms.  Let me tell you, that gave me warm fuzzies.  But I took the muscle relaxers thinking back spasms made sense with how I was feeling.  Had I pulled something while hiking?  I hadn’t done anything more strenuous than usual on our hikes.

By Thursday night, I decided the NP was nuts.  The pain had moved around to the front, and by then I was having sharp, stabbing pains in my side.  I suffered through another night of little sleep and after a call to my doctors office Friday morning, we made the trip to the ER.  It took six hours to get a diagnosis but I am grateful that the ER doctor was thorough.  I have blood clots in my spleen.  No idea why they are there, but a CT scan clearly showed them.  I was released to go home with anti-inflammatory and pain meds, with orders to follow up with my regular doc on Monday.

Of course the first thing I did was Google my symptoms.  My official diagnosis was splenic infarction.  There isn’t much information out there, but it sounds as if removal of the spleen is a very real possibility.  I am not thrilled with that prospect.  But I am hopeful the doc will have a better alternative to offer when I see him tomorrow.

On a good note, my father-in-law has apparently been enjoying the adult day care program.  Because he is a former minister, they have him leading some prayer sessions and he even has a “girlfriend” there.  The lady has been unresponsive to others, until my father-in-law arrived.  Now she seeks him out, and participates with him there.  I’m thankful he has a higher purpose for being there and that he can still help others.  In subtle ways, it may help him more than we realize, too.

Parenting Parents

This week, my father-in-law decided he was going to the Quad Cities to see his parents. He packed up his computer and some clothes, and put them in the truck. His wife told him he wasn't taking the truck, so he climbed on his bike and took off. They later found him several miles away in another town. He had looked at a map, and was headed to the interstate. Thankfully, they found him before he got that far.

His wife refuses to take the bike away. She doesn't want to be the bad guy. She calls my husband or his brother at least a couple of times a week, complaining that she just can't take it any more. Starting tomorrow, she has him enrolled in an adult day care program. They will pick him up and bring him home, but if he causes any trouble during the day, he's done. He only gets one chance. That means if he cries, if he has bladder problems, or if he is argumentative, they're done with him. We don't know what to think. We can see him hating it, and we can see him enjoying the chance to talk to other people. My husband suggested telling him that this place NEEDS him to talk with these people. My father-in-law is a retired minister, and he does remember those days, or some of them anyway. So maybe appealing to that side of him will work. We can only hope so. 

Last week, my son's soccer team played a rival team for the conference championship. We had previously lost to this team in overtime, on penalty kicks, for the conference tournament. As per their usual antics, the other team's parents were horribly obnoxious to the referees from the minute the game started. They called the refs names, they screamed obscenities, they stomped and carried on like cursing two-year-olds on the sidelines. It was ridiculous. 

During the course of the game, two of our players went out with concussions. One of their players broke his collarbone. Another of their players - their star player - got a yellow and then a red card, which took him out of our game and also kept him out of the next two games. That's what happens when you have bad sportsmanship. The game ended on a 1-1 tie, which took us to overtime. Unfortunately, our team had plenty of chances to score and didn't, and we ended up losing to them.  

Following the game, some of the parents were screaming at each other, their fans vs. our fans. I happened to be in the middle of them, and something inside me just snapped.  First I told them it was only a game. Other parents agreed with me, and were trying to keep our respective fans from getting into a fight. One man on the other team would not let it go. He stepped around someone else, and I have no idea what possessed me but I stepped in front of him (he was a great big guy and I am short) and said "Sir, what are you teaching your kids?"  I didn't yell, didn't scream, just felt the need to make a point. He looked at me like I was a fly he wanted to swat away, but the lady in front of him attacked me, turning it back on me and implying that I was the one in the wrong. I don't believe I was wrong.

You see, too many parents are living vicariously through their children. Most of them think their athletes are better athletes than they really are. I mean, come on, how many of these kids will actually become pro players?  My kids both were active in sports, and yes, I want their teams to win. But they need to win and be proud of how they played the game. What pride is there in winning a game that you only won because you were bigger thugs than the players on the other team? 

Parents, I beg you, think about what you are teaching your kids. They don't know what sportsmanship is. They don't know what manners are. They think, because of how you behave, that they are ENTITLED - to win, to be rude, and to taunt others. 

Just remember, what goes around comes around.

Getting Lost

A man can't even get lost when he wants to.

Those were the words my father-in-law uttered when we found him in St. Louis earlier this year. Since then, he has tried numerous times to "get lost" without success. They took his golf-cart away because it didn't have lights and turn signals, and in their town, that's against the law. It also meant he couldn't travel so far from home. Or so we thought.

My mother-in-law got him a three-wheel bike when the golf cart went away. He has to work a little harder to make it go, but that hasn't stopped him. His physical condition has never been the problem. In the past week or so, my father-in-law has twice taken a four-lane divided highway (not an interstate) several miles from home. Both times, thankfully, someone realized he was confused and helped get him home. But this is dangerous because of the type of traffic on the roads these days. It's harvest, so there are numerous tractors and other farm vehicles, along with many more semi's hauling crops to the elevators.

Another day, he managed to get almost 8 miles away, the opposite direction, before a concerned farmer and his family cornered him. He didn't know where he was, but he did know where he was going, and he was going the right direction. That's scary.

Hubby went and spent the afternoon with his dad one day this past week, giving my mother-in-law a chance to go run errands and take a break. Part way through the afternoon, he told my hubby that he knows his wife is up to something, he's not sure what but he is sure it's nothing good. And he's right. She's trying to get everything in place to admit him to the nursing home. While I understand that at some point she can no longer care for him the way he needs to be cared for, I don't think she's trying very hard any more. I think she's decided she just can't handle it - and maybe she can't - so it's time for him to go. But she doesn't want to take the blame (from him) for that. She wants the hubby and his siblings to "put him in" the nursing home.

It's not going to happen, unless she bolts. As his wife, it is her responsibility to take care of him. His kids don't have power of attorney, they don't have any legal right to make decisions for him. On top of that, again - they don't like her, and they don't believe their dad is to the point where he needs to be in the nursing home. Frankly, neither do I. I think my mother-in-law needs to take advantage of the programs that are available to help her - and there are quite a few. She just doesn't want to do the paperwork involved. I know this to be true because she told me that she doesn't understand the papers so she just doesn't fill them out. We could offer to help, but that would mean she would have to share financial information with us, and she is bound and determined not to do that.

So, every day we expect another call from her, crying and saying she can't take it any more. And while I sympathize because I know it's not easy to deal with Alzheimer's 24/7, I have no respect for her trying to make everyone else do her dirty work. We're willing to help but we're not going to do it for her.

In the meantime, my father-in-law continues to try to get lost. My biggest fear is that one of these days he will succeed. And then, all Hell is going to break loose.