The Sandwich Generation

I'm in the sandwich generation, caught between aging parents and angry teenagers.  I feel like mayo, spread too thin and still trying to do the job of holding it all together.  I also feel like a tomato smashed between the buns and then picked off and tossed unceremoniously in the trash.  Splat.

We visited the aging parents on hubby's side of the family today.  His dad is 76 and was just this week told he's progressed from dementia to Alzheimer's.  His wife called yesterday to update us.  He's been having silent mini-strokes.  He knows the year but has no idea what day or month it is.  He can talk for hours about his youth, but can't tell you what happened five minutes ago.  For months he has been keeping a journal of everything he does.  Wife says sometimes re-reading what he wrote previously will help him get through a day, but he has more frequent episodes of feeling like he should just end it all.  He's become a prisoner in his own body.

The hard part of this is that hubby's siblings are in denial.  They don't like Wife (much of that is her own doing) and so they think she is making this up.  I'm here to tell you he is not making it up.  Hubby and I will try to keep the peace between them all, but what a job we have ahead of us!

Upon returning home from our visit with aging parents, we dealt with the angry teenager.  Again, I realize she is stuck between wanting to remain a teenager with rules and expectations, while at the same time she really wants to be treated like an adult and be able to make her own decisions.  Unfortunately, I am taking the brunt of her anger.  She wants to tell me only what she thinks I should know but she doesn't want me to "go all mom" on her.  Easier said than done. 

Last week we had a big argument about school and her attitude.  She thinks I shouldn't worry about it.  She doesn't understand that we worry about everything!  She doesn't care about some of her classes and thinks I shouldn't either.  She tells me she won't use anything she's learning in business or english in her future.  Really?!?!  Obviously she wasn't thinking about what she was saying! 

That carried over to other things.  She warned me that she "might" want to talk to me about something that was really none of my business so she wanted me to promise not to say anything.  I was honest with her - I told her I would try but I couldn't promise not to say anything.  Apparently that was the wrong answer.  She barely spoke to me that night and then was gone the next day.  Today I discover she has blocked me from Facebook.  She's starting to cut me out of her life.  I'm torn between understanding and knowing I need to let go, and being hurt and angry and wanting to strike back.

I don't think I make a very good sandwich.

Letting Go

My house, my rules... That should make it easy, right? 

Wrong.

Daughter will be 20 soon.  She still lives at home and she wants to be able to come and go as she pleases.  For the most part, she does.  She's going to college and working almost full-time.  I don't expect her to come straight home from work every day, but she has to let us know if she'll be home for dinner or not.  And as much as I hate being tied to a cell phone all the time, I'm thankful hers is an extension of her body.  She doesn't have a problem texting me often.

The problem comes in when she wants to stay out late, especially on a weeknight. I really struggle with that.  Why is it necessary to stay out until 2 AM?  She doesn't do it every week, but probably a couple times a month.  I shouldn't complain, but I do.  I don't sleep well when she's not home.  She's been good about texting me before she heads home; at least that way I can sleep until then. I guess I'm getting used to it, but I still don't like it.  It means my little girl is growing up.

My son is also growing up.  He's 15 now, and just starting to want to hang out with friends... friends with cars.  Girl friends, too.  Tonight he was invited to go to town to eat at Steak 'N Shake, and then go to a haunted house.  Not only do I have to worry about driving, I have to worry about hormones! 

What's a mother to do?  I know I have to learn to let go, but I don't have to like it!

Fall in the Park

Visiting parks is one of our favorite things to do.  Hubby and I love walking trails, enjoying the peaceful sounds and sights of nature at her best.

With temperatures in the 70's this October, we've taken every chance we can to enjoy fall to the fullest.

Last weekend, we spent Saturday afternoon at a nearby forest preserve.  We walked several trails.  Some were wide paths covered in leaves, others were narrow paths winding up and down hills and ravines.  We climbed a tower for a view of the surrounding forest, a riot of color not visible from below.  The view was breathtaking, in more ways than one!  We watched deer grazing near the road, apparently unafraid as long as we stayed in our vehicle.  I could have watched them for hours.

This weekend, we went to a county park and walked the trails there. The sun was shining but the air was cool and breezy.  Perfect jeans and sweatshirt weather!  We had a picnic lunch and then walked a couple of trails.  It's hard to walk quietly when dry, brittle leaves cover every inch of the trails, so squirrels were the only wildlife we saw on the ground.  Turkey vultures circled high above the marshy area of the park, and as we walked along the bluff trail, we watched a bald eagle soar overhead. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough to get a picture.

Parks are wonderful places!  I wish my kids enjoyed them as much as hubby and I do!

Never Underestimate a Packer Fan

My house is full of Green Bay Packer fans.  Normally, that's not a problem.  It becomes a problem when the Packer games are not on channels we get.

Where we live, there is no cable.  We have a satellite dish that gets lots of channels (and sometimes there is still nothing on).  We have two black boxes with three remotes and a relatively expensive antenna for the big TV.  Hubby and son can manipulate all this equipment with their eyes closed; I can not.  One of the boxes is for regular television - ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox.  We have been frustrated since the day we moved in that we can not get what is now NBC.  The local signal has just not been strong enough to reach us.

A couple days ago, the local channel strengthened the signal.  Hubby was ecstatic.  Now he would be able to get NBC - and just in time to watch the Packers! 

Then he tried to tune in NBC.  We have four TV's in our house and the only one that would get NBC is the smallest one.  Hubby was not amused, but he didn't give up.  The electronic masterminds (hubby and son) tried everything they could think of to get it to work.  For awhile, I thought one of us was going to have to stand near the contraption holding a sheet of tin foil in order to get a good picture.  But, the masterminds prevailed (see photo) and we are now watching the Packer game.

I just hope the signal holds for the whole game...

Academics vs. Sports

Many schools today are not making the grade.

Our high school held an All-School Academic Letter Assembly this week.  The purpose was to recognize and present academic letters to students with a 3.6 or higher grade point average.  I'm glad to see the schools recognizing and promoting academic excellence.

But I give our school a C.  There is definitely room for improvement.

The assembly was scheduled for 10 AM on a school day.  Parents were invited but many parents don't have job flexibility to attend these types of events.  I'm one of the lucky ones - I could have been there.  My son was one of those being honored, and I am very proud of him.  But he didn't want me anywhere near the school because students make fun of other students whose parents do show up.  Why would the school put these kids in that position, promoting peer pressure?  Why was this important event not held in the evening when more parents could attend to show support for their children's academic achievements?

Because scheduling an honors event in the evening would interfere with sports.  Heaven forbid any sports event or awards ceremony be held during the school day - they always have to be held when a majority of parents and community can attend.

Administrators and coaches are more concerned about producing "star" athletes and winning teams than they are about producing students who will be successful, productive adults once they get out in the real world.  Many parents share that attitude.

How many of these kids are actually going to be professional athletes, or even play in college?  Very few.  I'm not saying anything against those who will, but too many parents think their kids are better than they are.  In our school, unfortunately, it all depends on who you are.  What your name is.  If you don't have the right name, or you aren't an exceptional player, you don't have a chance.

From a young age, these kids are taught that winning is everything.  Sportsmanship has gone by the wayside.  Parents are living vicariously through their kids.

The school (and some parents) really should take another look at what they are teaching our children.