Thanksgiving Reflections

You’d think by now I would have figured out that I always eat too much for Thanksgiving. I should know better than to snack on the fruit, the olives, and the cheese and crackers that always adorn my mother-in-laws’ table prior to our actual meal. But every year, I join the other family members, snagging a piece of this or a piece of that as I go by the table.  By the time our meal is actually ready, I don’t want to eat too much because there are still umpteen varieties of dessert to choose from!  The only good part is that we normally eat before mid-afternoon, which means I’m never hungry for dinner! In spite of – or maybe because of – so much food, I am still thankful for time with the family and plenty of food on our table.

Blended families present a variety of situations during the holidays. This year, my father-in-law (married to my husband’s mother) is experiencing health problems and we may lose him sooner than any of us are prepared for. My mother- and father-in-law have never combined the two families for anything, I suspect because from what I’ve been told, his kids think my mother-in-law is the bad guy. So instead of him having a relaxing day with our side of the family, one of his son’s showed up late in the afternoon with his mail-order bride, wanting to collect some of the family pictures. His son didn’t care that our side of the family was there, he didn’t care that my father-in-law didn’t feel well – he didn’t even ask my father-in-law how he was.  The son just wanted pictures that he was convinced were there. My mother-in-law was rather short with him, and I found out later that the son usually is very disrespectful of my mother-in-law. I also learned that when he sponsored his mail-order bride, he paid half the fees and wanted my mother- and father-in-law to pay the rest! We have no idea if they did or not, and we aren’t sure we want to know!

Today, we visited my other father-in-law (my husband’s dad). His Alzheimer’s is progressing, steadily I would say. He has been attending an adult day care for awhile now, and he looks forward to going. His wife tells us that he packs his computer in his bag every morning and waits by the door for the bus. He told me that he has several homes and that is one of them. He said he meets people there, and they do stuff, but when I asked him what they do, he couldn’t tell me. He doesn’t know who we are, unless she tells him, and then he doesn’t always remember while we are there. He asked my husband which side of the family he belongs to. And he thinks my daughter is actually two different people. He has a picture of himself with her when she was little taped to his desk, and he talks about her driving her race car now, but he doesn’t realize she is the same person.

Soon, I need to visit my own parents. I don’t see them often enough, although I do try to call them every week or two. I know it’s not enough, and I want to be better about visiting them. My dad, bless his heart, always asks me how my husband’s dad is doing. I appreciate that he worries, but I suspect he also is asking because he’s afraid he or my mother may end up with Alzheimer’s. My grandmother had it, so it’s entirely possible that my mother may end up with it. It’s a scary thought, but one to be thinking about so we are prepared.

Isn't that what a referee should be - prepared?

Giving Thanks

As Thanksgiving looms, and amid all the "Days of Thanks" postings on Facebook, I am thankful for so much: my family and friends, my health, a home and a job, and I could go on and on. But suffice it to say I AM THANKFUL. For everything.

My sister and I had a safe, quick but yet long trip to Ohio last weekend to get my grandmother's furniture. It was nice to have sister-time to visit and we definitely took advantage of it. We talked about our families, our jobs, and probably everything else under the sun. We agree to disagree on some things but that doesn't make our visits any less fun.

There was also some emotional stuff going on.  We visited the cemeteries and drove around town, checking out how our old neighborhoods - and the town in general - have changed. Everything looks so small now, and we found ourselves wondering where we would be in our lives if we had never moved away. We know we wouldn't be where we are now, so in a roundabout way, we are thankful we DID move.

I visited with mom and dad on Friday before we went. They took it better than I expected them to. Mom wished I'd told her earlier so she could write a letter for my aunt, and dad asked why I was telling him about the trip.  He said I'm an adult and that I'm not accountable to him for what I do. I told him I didn't want him to be upset that we were going and not taking them, and that we were staying with his sister.  He seemed fine with that.

When we returned, I emailed my real-dad's wife and thanked her again for sharing the furniture with us. She insisted again that it was important to keep things within the family. While I still sometimes don't quite know what to make of her, I am grateful (again) that she has given us these things. They mean a lot to us. And when I think about that, I get emotional.  It was a bit of an emotional roller coaster ride this week for me, thinking about my grandma, my real-dad, my life and what is and what is not. No, I can not change the past - I only wish I could find answers. But I also realize - and accept - that I probably never will.

So I leave you with this: regardless of the state of your family affairs, be thankful that you HAVE family. Yes, they may drive you crazy at times but in the end, they are your family and that's what counts.

Have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving!

November Blessings

Things have quieted down a little this week.

My CT scan results were unremarkable, to borrow a word from the radiologists report. They didn't find anything significant. I struggle a little with how one person could say I have blood clots in my spleen, and then the others say there's nothing notable there. Do I or don't I have them? Nobody seems to be worried about them, except me!  My doctor recommended waiting, watching, and doing another CT scan in about 6 months to follow-up. I'll be a nervous wreck, waiting for the other shoe to drop and hoping it doesn't.

We visited my father-in-law today.  We haven't been there in several weeks, and we were anxious to see how he is progressing.  He seems about the same - he's coherent earlier in the day, but by around 3 PM, he starts to get fuzzy.  His eyes start glazing over and he starts repeating himself more. The rough part today was his dog was hit by a car last weekend, and they had to put him to sleep because of his injuries.  Instead of just letting him think what he wants, my mother-in-law wanted to argue with him about what happened and how they decided to put the dog to sleep. Again we wondered, why does she argue with him?  It just aggravates him and it doesn't accomplish anything.  Who cares if he's right or wrong? Let him think what he wants. She drives us crazy sometimes.

Son has frustrated me this week.  We finally purchased a vehicle for him - we still aren't sure if it was the right choice, but we aren't sure it was the wrong choice either.  Anyway, he was leaving for school the other morning and didn't completely scrape his windows, which were frosted over.  He only scraped the drivers side, then drove off.  Since I was home, I watched him leave.  Then I called him and told him he needed to scrape the WHOLE window.  He asked me what I expected him to do, and I said "Pull over and scrape the windows!"  That night, he informed me that he wasn't going to put up with me watching him and following him like I did his sister. I, in turn, informed him that I would watch him and follow him if necessary and that if he didn't like it, he would be riding with me again instead of driving his own car.  I know he wasn't happy but I think I made my point. And here I was thinking he was going to be easier than my daughter...

The Referee is escaping to Ohio next weekend, so I won't be posting then. My real father's wife called.  She is remarried and moving to a new home, and wanted to know if my sister and I would like to have furniture that belonged to my grandmother. Of course!  So we are making a quick trip there to pick up whatever she is willing to give us that will fit in our vehicle. It will be a long trip in a short time, but my sister and I will make the most of it, and we'll enjoy the time we have together. 

It is November and a time to give thanks for all our blessings. In spite of my ramblings about how my family drives me crazy, I am so very thankful to have them!