The Family Glue

Today we visited my father-in-law and his wife. We haven't seen them in awhile, even though they live less than an hour away. My father-in-law is 76 years old. He is a former Methodist minister. I've often thought I would never have made it through one of his sermons. It takes him forever to say what he's trying to say!

Today was  no exception, and yet it was. Somehow we got on the subject of flying. He started to tell me about the time he traveled to Israel with another minister. They flew from Chicago, to New York City, then to Paris, Rome, and finally Greece, where they took other transportation to Israel. He said they only experienced one problem during the whole trip: a man took offense at the clerical collar my father-in-law wore. He told me this story about four times - it was like being in my own Groundhog Day or Fifty First Dates movie.

You see, my father-in-law has Alzheimer's. We've known for some time that he was slipping. It's very hard to watch. His wife tells us how difficult he is to live with. But at least today was a good day. We had several good conversations over the course of a few hours, and the flying memory is the only one he revisited more than once.

I know how hard it can be. I watched my mother cope with her mother's Alzheimer's. I fear it is in her future, and mine, as well.

On the way home, Hubby and I were talking about what happens when our parents are gone. He has four siblings, as do I. We congregate at his mom's house for gatherings with his family. My family doesn't really congregate, except at Christmas, and we do that at my house.

So what happens when our parents are no longer here to be the glue holding our families together? Will we still congregate at holidays? Where will we congregate? Will everyone put forth the effort they do now to make it to these gatherings?

Hubby has three brothers and one sister.  I have two brothers and two sisters.  None of our siblings have room for all of their families to gather. We are the only ones with a house big enough for everyone to gather.  We are also more centrally located among all of us. I suspect that Hubby and I will have to become the glue if we want our respective families to stay connected.

We care about our siblings and their families, but holding everyone together will not be easy. We don't all live in the same area. Some of us have kids, some don't. But we are all busy with our own lives.

It won't be the same without our parents. Are we enough like them that we can pull this off? We may have to start our own traditions. We may have to work hard to keep our families connected.

I may be the oldest (some would say bossiest) sibling in my family, but hopefully that will give me the strength I need to become the glue that holds our families together. Family matters.