Thanksgiving Reflections

You’d think by now I would have figured out that I always eat too much for Thanksgiving. I should know better than to snack on the fruit, the olives, and the cheese and crackers that always adorn my mother-in-laws’ table prior to our actual meal. But every year, I join the other family members, snagging a piece of this or a piece of that as I go by the table.  By the time our meal is actually ready, I don’t want to eat too much because there are still umpteen varieties of dessert to choose from!  The only good part is that we normally eat before mid-afternoon, which means I’m never hungry for dinner! In spite of – or maybe because of – so much food, I am still thankful for time with the family and plenty of food on our table.

Blended families present a variety of situations during the holidays. This year, my father-in-law (married to my husband’s mother) is experiencing health problems and we may lose him sooner than any of us are prepared for. My mother- and father-in-law have never combined the two families for anything, I suspect because from what I’ve been told, his kids think my mother-in-law is the bad guy. So instead of him having a relaxing day with our side of the family, one of his son’s showed up late in the afternoon with his mail-order bride, wanting to collect some of the family pictures. His son didn’t care that our side of the family was there, he didn’t care that my father-in-law didn’t feel well – he didn’t even ask my father-in-law how he was.  The son just wanted pictures that he was convinced were there. My mother-in-law was rather short with him, and I found out later that the son usually is very disrespectful of my mother-in-law. I also learned that when he sponsored his mail-order bride, he paid half the fees and wanted my mother- and father-in-law to pay the rest! We have no idea if they did or not, and we aren’t sure we want to know!

Today, we visited my other father-in-law (my husband’s dad). His Alzheimer’s is progressing, steadily I would say. He has been attending an adult day care for awhile now, and he looks forward to going. His wife tells us that he packs his computer in his bag every morning and waits by the door for the bus. He told me that he has several homes and that is one of them. He said he meets people there, and they do stuff, but when I asked him what they do, he couldn’t tell me. He doesn’t know who we are, unless she tells him, and then he doesn’t always remember while we are there. He asked my husband which side of the family he belongs to. And he thinks my daughter is actually two different people. He has a picture of himself with her when she was little taped to his desk, and he talks about her driving her race car now, but he doesn’t realize she is the same person.

Soon, I need to visit my own parents. I don’t see them often enough, although I do try to call them every week or two. I know it’s not enough, and I want to be better about visiting them. My dad, bless his heart, always asks me how my husband’s dad is doing. I appreciate that he worries, but I suspect he also is asking because he’s afraid he or my mother may end up with Alzheimer’s. My grandmother had it, so it’s entirely possible that my mother may end up with it. It’s a scary thought, but one to be thinking about so we are prepared.

Isn't that what a referee should be - prepared?