My father-in-law is in the middle stages of Alzheimer's. Sometimes he is very lucid, but much of the time he is very confused. He's been on medication but the doctor told them a few months ago that it was no longer helping. The medicine has side effects that are very demeaning to him, but his wife says she paid for the medicine and he's going to take it until it's gone. The family does not agree with her, but she doesn't seem to care.
About 11 AM last Sunday, my father-in-law went for a drive. Around 4 PM he called his wife to say he was in another state, trying to find his way back to the road he knew would bring him home. About an hour later, his wife decided to let the rest of the family know. My brother-in-law called his father, and they talked briefly. My father-in-law was sure he could find his way home. That was the last anybody heard from him that day.
I convinced my husband to call the police and see what could be done. Neither of us believed he was going to make it back that night. The police told us his wife would have to file a missing persons report and sign papers before they could do anything. It was almost 9 PM before she finally made the call. By then it was dark, and I'm sure my father-in-law was more confused than ever, wherever he was.
Nobody got much sleep Sunday night. I knew my hubby was upset and frustrated, but without knowing where his father was, there was nothing we could do. His cell phone was either lost or turned off, and we had no idea where he was. I did a lot of praying that he would be alright.
Around 10:30 Monday morning, hubby called me at work. Someone had found his father in St. Louis, and realized that something wasn't right. My father-in-law had handed over his cell phone; the good samaritan had called his wife and then the police. At least my father-in-law couldn't hop back in his truck and drive somewhere else.
It was a long four hours before we arrived at the police station. My father-in-law insisted he was not in St. Louis - he was either next to Montana...or maybe Vermont. After collecting his truck, we headed back home. We stopped briefly to get something to eat, and that's when we had a problem.
My father-in-law wanted to drive, and he was furious that we wouldn't give him his keys. We argued for probably 20 minutes. He was amazingly lucid at that point - he knew he wasn't well, but insisted driving would help him get better. He got in my face when I tried to convince him to let us drive, but I knew he was just trying to intimidate me. I didn't give in. Finally, he got out of the truck and walked around to the passenger side. I told him thank you, and he blew up at me again. "Don't thank me. Don't thank me for anything. Not ever again." His face crumpled and he got in the passenger side of the truck. At that moment, I knew he knew he was losing control of his life.
A couple hours later we arrived back at his house. His wife didn't hug him or say she missed him or that she was worried - nothing. And as he walked up the sidewalk, he said "A man can't get lost even if wants to." Nobody but Hubby and I heard him and we later agreed - he left home on purpose. He meant to get lost.
The family is convinced his wife only wanted his money. I don't believe that, but her actions lately have sure made me wonder. She nags him constantly, talking about him - right in front of him - as if he isn't there. She argues with him about everything. The poor man is confused, and doesn't remember things clearly. Is he hurting anything when he tells stories that aren't quite true? No, but she has to correct him and make a big deal out of how wrong he is. It's no wonder he wanted to get lost.
I hope we can get through to him enough to let him know how much we care. Worrying about a missing person is very stressful, and I hope I never have to repeat that experience. It was not fun.
And I hope his wife was sufficiently worried to finally take his keys away so this doesn't happen again. The sad part is, the family is taking bets on how soon she'll give the keys back to him, and then this rollercoaster ride will start all over again.
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