I hate it when my kids are hurting.
Daughter and Son had a falling out this week - a major falling out. I'm hurting because they are hurting. But I have to listen to each of them in turn and encourage them to find their way through this mine field. Unfortunately, it's not something I can fix or believe me, I would!
Daughter feels that Son's girlfriend is coming between the two of them. Daughter claims to like Girlfriend but she doesn't like that Son spends time with Girlfriend over her. I pointed out that Daughter spent plenty of time with miscellaneous boyfriends over the past few years and left Son to his own devices. She claims she included him - and she did, at times. But there were also plenty of times when she didn't. But that's different.
Daughter has made no bones about not liking Girlfriend. Or should I say not liking their relationship. She claims she likes Girlfriend as a person. Daughter keeps making comments about lying, cheating, breaking up, and so on. She's very mean about it and I have no doubt that when the day comes, she will be saying "I TOLD YOU SO!!!" I'm going to have to knock her upside the head. Don't get me wrong - it's bound to happen. Son and his girlfriend are 15 and 16, respectively. But Daughter didn't have anybody hassling her over her relationships and Son deserves to find out these things for himself, just like she did.
One night, Daughter said some things she can't take back, and Son took offense. I've never seen him so upset. Hubby had one of them in one room while I had one in another, trying to talk sense into both of them. Trying to explain to Daughter that she is not the parent and she has to back off or risk ruining her relationship with her only brother. Trying to explain to Son that he can't hit Daughter, no matter how angry he gets with her. Hubby made the mistake of telling Son if he hits Daughter, he would be the one to leave the house. I tried to explain that we weren't taking sides, but if Son hits Daughter and she ends up at the hospital, then authorities get involved and as the only underage person in the household, Son could possibly be removed from our care. We wouldn't have a choice in the matter. I think I got through to him, but at this point he hates his sister for putting Hubby in the position to have to say such a thing.
I spent time with both kids the night of the falling out, talking and listening, explaining and trying to make amends. Unfortunately, they come by their stubbornness naturally, and I'm afraid they both got a double-dose of it. They each claim the other is now invisible to them, and they have not spoken to each other. Tension is high in the Referee's household. Daughter has no clue what damage she may have done, and what's more, she claims she doesn't care. Son is determined not to forgive or forget. I believe they are both hurting, and neither one knows what to do about it. I'm doing a lot of praying that they are able to resolve their issues. I believe, in time, that they will. But it's going to take some time. In the meantime, I hurt for them.
Nobody told me parenthood could be so painful.
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